GETTING CLOSE TO THAT EDGE

 

 

 

 

I have thought many times to just stop journalling because it seems I cannot keep up with it, or nothing happens that is worth mentioning, or my life seems to overwhelm me and it takes me forever to get myself together again. I know it must so over dramatic...but emotionally I really do not think that I can take much more.

Besides Allen being tested for Lung Cancer and that giving me a scare of a lifetime...I got a phone call from the police from my parents lil town (about 25 minutes away) that there was an incident of domestic violence. YES...you read that right....after 55 years of marriage and at the old ripe age of 83 my dad hit my mom...I have no idea what is really behine the circumstances...all I know is that the police said I HAD to go get my mother and take her with me. I got there and my mom was hysterical, crying, confused and she only could speak spanish. She told me her side all in spanish (thank God that was my first language) and all I could say to her is don't cry it will be alright. It took me 9 hours to reach my siblings down south...they were NO HELP AT ALL!!! Though I will say that for the first time in my life, my brother sounded really upset with my dad which is unheard of.

My mom did not want to leave her home...my mom is extremely particular...very attached to home...scared of everything else. My mom is a VERY old fashioned puerto rican woman who is a devout roman catholic and very set in her ways....
the problem is that my dad is dying of Lupus and a heart condition... my mom has alzheimers (almost midstream of it) so I think it all finally got to both of them. Allen and I stayed at my parents' house for about 8 hours making sure all was calm and we were sure that it was all over. When we got there....there were 3 policemen..they did not want to take my dad to jail at his age and he has never even gotten a traffic ticket in his life.
So they left me RESPONSIBLE... all I could do when we got back to our house is CRY.

So this week has been EXTREMELY stressful... when my parents came back from my sister's 40th anniversary party...they decided they were going to sell the house and move down south with my brother in a duplex he owns rent free. The only thing they would have to worry about is electric. Well when I went there because of this incident, the house was already on the market and there were people walking in and out of the house. I could not believe it. My mom is leaving me as much as she can... she only wants her bed and personal belongings.

My mother will still be moving down south to my brothers and my dad is staying up here...he has decided to get himself a mobile home in the same area and just relax and live out his days.

I am still devastated and even as I am typing this I am crying. Today Allen has to take my mom to the state attorney's office as part of the procedure...so we will see what happens after her appointment. I feel like I have been living a night mare and I cannot wake up.

That is pretty much all I can write for now...I ask that if you BELIEVE in prayer please please say some for my parents...that their hearts become healed and peace reigns in their souls.

Thanks for listening...HUG someone you LOVE!!!

HANDLING NEWS

                This is my third attempt to put in an entry...for some reason my entries keep getting deleted or before I am done writing...the page just disappears and up pops the main page with no new entry found. I have no idea what is going on...but it is getting very fustrating. Now...I hope that all you moms out there had a wonderful Mother's Day. Mine was very peaceful...just the way I like it. My sons called me to wish me a Happy day...it was wonderful to hear from them. My daughter sent me 10 email cards and dedicated an entry in her journal about me...I just cried...it was all wonderful. NOW for the handling news...last thursday my hunnie Allen went to the doctor for a follow up regarding headaches that he has been getting. He does get migraines but they are trying to figure out what medications will work for him without knocking him out. When he was seen he told the doctor about his sinuses bothering him and the doctor also listened to his chest. Well next thing my hunnie realize is that they made an appointment for him first thing the next morning for a CT scan of his chest...to look for Lung Cancer. Well my hunnie called me when he left the office and  told me how scared he was... all I could do was cry...When he got home..he tried to play it off like it is fine. Neither of us slept that night. Of course we had to wait all weekend to get the results...and come to find out we also had to wait until tuesday. I prayed all weekend...cried at times...and we just talked until we had nothing to say. Tuesday afternoon came around and the results were negative for Lung Cancer (THANK GOD). I have never been that scared. It felt like a huge weight taken off our shoulders. He has ALOT of congestion in his chest and he was prescribed a very intense antibiotic to kill theinfection. The doc also found that Allen has high cholesterol. So my daughter and I have been on his case ever since then watching what he is eating and so on. That was the longest 4 days of my life waiting on the results...I also think of Allen has being the strong one who can take anything...but after hearing that he was being tested for cancer...I saw for the first time fear in his eyes...and that just broke my heart. Okay then...my parents went down south to help celebrate my sister's 40th wedding anniversary. BELIEVE IT OR NOT I actually received an invitation to go to it also. BUT...this was the first time that they actually thought of sending me my own invitation instead of delivery a message through someone else. I just do not bother going. Well of course with my anxiety attacks and all that lovely stuff I did not go. NOW the bigger surprise in this ...is that my dad said if I did not get invited he was not going to go. He was sick and tired of their rudeness that way. That is the first time my dad ever took sides in such a way...especially when it concerns my sister vs me. He has a HUGE soft spot for my sister...so when he said that it really shocked me...and even made me cry..( I tend to cry alot I think)..I think last time he went down there that he must have said something to them because I actually got an invitation. My dad's biggest beef is that family comes first and you do not treat family like they are less then you. Well I guess they got the message...it shocked me. I actually put the invitation in my scrapbook because it is such a rare occasion. My parents had a grand time down there so that is nice...that is all that counts for me. Well I am finally getting tired so I am going to end my news here. I hope you all have a MARVELOUS thursday and friday...and remember to HUG someone you LOVE!!!

PEACE!!!!!!

 

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AWWWW...My mom and my daughter...the cutest grandmother and granddaughter combination if I say so myself. Well I have already shown you all my most fav pic of my daughter and I and here is my fav of my mom and the kid.

I LOVE my mother's smile...her smile speaks volumes of LOVE,MEMORIES,FAITH,HARD WORK,DEDICATION,COMMITTMENT.
My mom had me late in life...she was around 40 or so when she had me...so our views of the world were two lifetimes apart...but I learned so much from her...my mom has been in the U.S. since her late teens...she is now 83 years old and she still has a very heavy spanish accent...I love her accent...it means home to me. I am and will always be amazed at my mother's dedication to her family, and her faith...those are the two most important elements in her life...everything else is secondary. She can cook, keep house, raise kids, run a household, put up with my dad, volunteer for everything at school and the church, be apart of a bowling team and make it all look so very easy...

I so admire her strength...and her old fashioned way of thinking...she made life so simple and peaceful. She is definitely a hugger and kisser (which is part of her charm) and her sense of humor is so funny because it does tend to get lost in the translation that you just gotta laugh. She spoiled me rotten while I was growing up and I knew that. Her dream was always to have a lil girl and here I am. Then when I became pregnant with twins...she was praying beyond belief for a lil girl and sure enough along came my daughter. So my daughter is definitely so spoiled by her...nothing is good enough for her granddaughter. I am thrilled that my daughter has spent all these years living near her grandparents and travelling with them and spending weekends with them and so on....because I know that my parents (especially my mom) have given my daughter that special kind of LOVE and SECURITY that only a grandparent can give. My mom would do anything for her kids and her grandkids..we all know that.

For me ... my mom would always be "MOM OF THE YEAR"...I know that God placed her here on earth as a living angel to show what peace and love are...

I wish all of you who are mothers or daughters or grandmothers...have a wonderful MOTHER'S DAY...and LOVE those that surround you!!!!

Just as a P.S.
my daughter has a journal in which she wrote an entry about me that had me crying for an hour...if you would like to check it out....feel free...here is the link  NO BOUNDARIES

WEEKEND ASSIGNMENT

 

 

 

 

 

 

ASSIGNMENT:Take a pic of your mom, your kid, your kid's mom, your mom's kids: any combo of mother and child.

Once in a blue moon I check out what the weekend assignment is from "dear John" so I liked this one and I thought I would join in...The above pic was taken about 8 years ago ...just me and my baby Crystalyn.

This is my ALL time favorite photo...I have it sitting on top of my monitor in my puter room...when I was working, I had it on my desk. I just think it is so us...
so I wanted to share it this Mother's Day weekend with all of you...Later on I will be having an entry of my mom...come back to check it out!!!!

BAD LUCK IS THRIVING

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Like the old saying goes...if I did not have bad luck I would have no luck at all. Hope you are sitting for my news...it could only happen to me...my puter crashed..big time!!! I am totally devastated..what makes things even worse is that we do not have the finances right now to get it fixed...so for about a week I was using my hunnie's puter HOWEVER...his is filled with a ton of firewalls and blockers and such ..it would allow me to write an entry but it would not let me upload it. I tried several times and finally gave up.
I have a laptop that I have not used in a long time...one of our liters of puppies ate the battery pack wires...but my hunnie went out and got me another one...even better then the one I had..so I am on my laptop..however I have nothing loaded on this one. No graphics no nothing. It also took me almost a full two days to delete all the games and garbage that my kids had loaded into it before the battery wires were chewed...so now I should be good to go for a bit.

Just to make life a bit more interesting...our well (where we get our water)  has sprung a leak....major leak...and of course we tried everything to fix it but it turns out,according to the pros, that we have to have another well drilled...well that price tag is over $2,000.00. Of course that is not attainable right now so I have no idea what we are going to do.

Like I said...bad luck--no luck.

My son Eric came up and helped out his dad with trying to fix it...and also cutting the grass and such...he stayed for about 4 days...it was a nice surprise...I am glad the two of them got to spend some time together.

Sothat is where we are at right now...just as a side note, I am fighting a sinus infection so that has just made life a bit more miserable. But at least I can still laugh so that is a good thing.

Just thought I would let you all know what I have been up to..I promise to get around to read my usual stops.... I miss everyone. If you visit here please leave your journal link if I do not have it...I love visiting others. You all have a GREAT week.

Remember to HUG someone you LOVE...
PEACE!!!

A FAST WEEKEND

 

 

 

I am here again.......LOL. First I wanted to thank you all for the great notes of kindness and support...I so appreciate it. Also someone was kind enough to let me know that Terri's family did care for her for awhile and decided to put her in a nursing home...I did not know this...if anyone knows of where I can read about that I would really appreciate it.

Okay....I finally uploaded a picture of my son who came to visit a weekend or two ago...of course he also wanted to show off his truck...it is cute...and of course he is loving it:

Either I am shrinking or he is getting taller....he towers over me...but his bear hugs are GREAT!!! Of course his father and him had to fiddle around with the truck and tune things up. They even went to some sort of junk yard that you pay $40.00 and you can have all you want as long as you can carry it out. So they spent a couple of hours there getting this and that sort of things. They had a blast getting dirty and oily together. LOL.

Today I spent the day helping my daughter with a school project she has on LSD. I am advising her on colors to use on her poster board and captions for her pictures...she is gathering the info and writing it all up. She says that I have a better eye for the creativity that way...maybe that is her way of kissing up to me...but it worked...lol....and I helped. So for us the day flew by. My hunnie did have to take her up to wally world (walmart) to get a few supplies...of course she suckered him into letting her get a duckie garbage can for her bathroom...it is too cute...and a couple of other things. They had way too much fun in the store...they love to embarass each other. Maybe that is why I stay home...(just kidding).

Here is a side note about my small zoo of animals...we have way too many dogs now, that we have to feed them in 4 different rooms because some will not share with others. This is crazy....so picky...and now the puppies of course have their own food area because they have different food then the others...but they are piglets...Feeding time at the zoo is an adventure.LOL

Well I am sure that is enough hum drum news to read so I will leave it at that....I hope you all have a GRAND monday filled with surprises.
REMEMBER...to HUG someone you LOVE.....PEACE!!!

 

TIME IS NOT MY FRIEND

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well I bet you all thought I dropped off the face of the earth. Well at this point that sounds like fun. I am surprised you all have not given up on me...I pretty much have.

I have had no motivation for life itself much less keeping up with my journal. I miss my journal a great deal....I get to say what I want and when I want and sometimes just putting things down on paper or puter helps sort things out. But I do not have the energy for even that. But enough of me for a bit.

So much has gone on in the world around me that I am still amazed at what has happened...first:
It breaks my heart that Pope John Paul II has passed away. He is pretty much the only Pope I have known...I really loved hearing about his trips and his messages of hope and his reaching out to young people...that all will be sadly missed

I am sad that he is gone...but Happy at the beautiful life he led and what he meant to so many people....he is the true meaning behind living life to its' fullest.

Now the next story just blew me away....that is about Terri...

of course it would figure that florida had to be the state that all this controversy took place....My personal feeling on all this is that the whole issue should have stayed within the families....not for the politicians...I am a firm believer that I do not want the government in my personal business. I think the will to live or die...is personal. The only thing that confuses me is why didn't the husband just let the parents care for her.....if they wanted to take that on...I do not understand that. Then again I do not think that the public really knows everything....they has got to be some pieces missing....it is so sad that she is gone...but I do pray that all those involved will find some sort of peace with it all.

Okay....believe it or not I finally left the house for an actual appointment with my doctor....he was shocked to see me because I just keep cancelling out of my appointments. The thought of going out anywhere has only gotten worse.
Well I think the doc finally figured out that I am afraid to go out and the anxiety I go through is intense...so he prescribed me another medication which is a straight tranquilizer that I am suppose to take 20 minutes before leaving the house and see if it helps.God I hope so.

Again I missed another outing to my parents house. I just could not go....but hopefully now things with me will calm down....I take so much GARBAGE in medications to calm me down and prevent my lungs from working over time that I feel like a walking zombie. Again my hunnie has been a dream come true and is sooooooo patient and understanding...I know I would not have made it this far if it was not for him...he really gives me strength and support beyond my comprehension.

MORE NEWS...my boys celebrated their birthday on the 26th of march.....they turned 20. I cannot believe how old that makes me feel......but they were happy campers. My son who lives south of us even came up for a visit...I have some pics of him that I will share next time...I was just glad to see that he was good and doing well.
EVEN MORE CRAZY NEWS...remember my sister in law that used to live with us...well she left around when the hurricanes hit...thinking life was better someplace else...today she actually came to get her personal belongings. She just assumed we were going to store her things forever....BUT she called one day when she did not think my hunnie was home and he answered the phone...and he gave her one week to come get her things or he was going to burn them...well that chic made it here in 5 days and it took her about 4 hours to load her junk...BUT I am thrilled to finally have her stuff out of here. She is a real piece of life. That stress is finally over...it does my heart good.

I cannot believe that the month of April is actually here...time is moving way too fast for me...I seem to be missing alot out of life. It is starting to get to me.
Well I think that is enough news to catch everyone up on what is going on with me....I hope you will hang in there with me...if not--I understand.

REMEMBER...to hug someone you LOVE....PEACE!!!!