Friday, February 10, 2006


Hi One and All----yes believe it or not - it is me again....I cannot promise how long I will be here but for this moment I am here. First I want to THANK all of you that have written to me and/or left comments and such.

I wish I could respond but my mind is just too stressed and confused to do anything in order or simply. I have been in a downward spin for quite some time now....I think that happens or is expected when one is severely depressed. I know I am but right now I do not have the emotional strength to pull myself out of it.

I have been to doctors...I am tired of pills, I am tired of talking to doctors....
Right now the only thing I can do is cry...and worry and think way tooooo much.
I am not laying this on anyone....but since it is my journal...and I can say what is on my mind then people have the right to read it or not...

I must sound like I am feeling sorry for myself and pathetic....but right now emotionally there is nothing left in me. Trust me there have been some close calls to giving up and that scares me to death. The ONLY thing keeping me alive is my hunnie and my daughter...that is it. Pathetic aren't I?

Sorry I cannot be more cheerful or fill you in on a funny story....because nothing is funny. Nothing is worth talking about.

I have tried to stay creative so that it keeps my mind busy...but that is slowly fading away....
On top of all this...I know I have mentioned that I have anxiety attacks about going out...well I do not answer phones and I do not go to the door....I have not seen the front of my house in quite a while.I cannot take care of anything including myself.

I will say I tired just plain tired...and I do not know how to get happy.

Sorry to be bringing anyone down...I do not mean to...just sharing where my head has been at and why I have not written in my journal for quite some time. It is hard for me to sit here and type about me...or just plain type...but I thought I owed you all a HELLO and an explanation about me.

I have been keeping up with everyone's journal...I just do not leave comments...I am at a loss for words.

Please remember to HUG someone you LOVE....See you on the flip side!!!!