Monday, December 31, 2007


I wanted to take this opportunity to wish each and everyone of you a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR....I hope the New Year is filled with HAPPINESS, PROSPERITY and LOVE for you and yours.

I also want to THANK YOU all for sharing your lives with me and being here for me while I share mine!!! Your kind words, supportive words, encouraging words, loving words, and words of advice have all helped me through a rollercoaster of 2007.
THANK YOU for trusting me with the tidbits of your life....for allowing me to read about you and yours....looking back at 2007 - it has been a year that so many beautiful people have become many have had their family members or friends deployed..and some have continued to fight health problems that seem overwhelming...I have truly grown from knowing all of have added such a richness to my life and for that I am forever grateful.


My Wish for You in 2008

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words ............

May 2008 be the best year of your life!!! Until 2009, 2010, 2011..
See you all in 2008!!!
Remember to HUG those you LOVE....

Monday, December 24, 2007


Of course, like everyone else - life has been a bit busy....
All of our shopping was done and over with almost two weeks ago..and this year I even had flowers delivered to my parents and Allen's mom for Christmas.
(They absolutely loved them- yay me for thinking of it - lol)
Unfortunately our son (who is stationed in Kentucky) did not come home...
as a matter of fact...he is most likely getting out of the army VERY SOON...he has done his time...and at this point - I do not think the military career is what he strives for...but I believe he is going to stay in Kentucky - and pursue a firefighter's life - then again - who knows.
Our son (in Japan) will have to wait on his package...every time one of us turned around - we thought of something else to send him...poor kid...he will not have his package for Christmas but he will be loaded with supplies for at least 6 months..(we seem never to do anything simply) kind of drives us crazy. But he knows it - and the building of anticipation is killing him - but he is used to that from us and is never
We have all our dinner fixins ready to go - we have voted and decided on Turkey again...(because the thanksgiving one was sooooooo good). I cannot wait...Allen will be cooking it up...I just know it will melt in my mouth...yummie!!!
We plan on opening gifts in between breakfast and watching old movies like Miracle on 34th street and a Christmas Carol and so on!!! Then the big dinner!
We even bought the dogs a bag of treats to go crazy on tomorrow...only a couple of them play with toys....the rest would appreciate the treats!
Now on top of all the running around and trying to get everything daughter informs me at the last minute (before school let out for the holidays) that she needed the pictures and a dedication letter from me for her memory page in the yearbook....(this page costs $275) (geez!!!!!!)
So I had to go through all of my digital photos (hundreds and hundreds-if not thousands) and pick out twelve that she wanted surrounding her and write a dedication letter about whatever I wanted to go in the took me 4 hours of tweaking photos to finally get the pics done and sent to walgreens for instant printing...and after a bit - got my thoughts together to write the letter - here it is...let me know what you think...( I know she loves it!!!):
"I hope your dreams take you to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known."
We never knew so much LOVE & JOY could come from having a child.
Your sense of humor and spunk for life and creative thinking amazes us...and your compassion for others makes your heart bigger then most adults we know.
Our pride in you grows daily as does of course our LOVE..if that is at all possible.
You have strong convictions and will fight tooth and nail for your family and friends and those that you care about.
You have a massive soft spot for animals-which shows the depth of your kindness..and you speak your mind no matter what the circumstances or consequences. Showing that you stand strong in your faith and beliefs - that you are a leader and not a follower.
We are very proud to say you are our daughter..and although you are spreading those beautiful wings of yours and going out to claim your life...We wish for you the VERY best of all that life has to offer..
CONGRATULATIONS on your first step to life's opportunities..
Smile always to show kindness to others
Laugh to enjoy the fullness of life
Love to always be filled with unending joy
Dream to strive for the best of everything...
Follow your Dreams - Believe in Yourself - Be You
We Wish You Enough....!!!
We Love You Always -Mom-Dad-Eric-Allen
Well The only thing left to say is this:
From Our Home to Yours...We Wish You A Very Blessed And Beautiful Christmas..May the Reason for the Season - fill your hearts all year long...May true Joy reign and May Love overflow...Enjoy the moments you have with Family and Friends..and May the Memories keep you strong all next year!!!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007


Just a quickie update here.....Have just been on overload lately....have no motivation to keep up here - I have really been concentrating on my art and pushing myself to is a freedom I need right now from all the sickness and depression that I have gone through these past few someone opened the faucet and it is all spilling out - the ideas, the creations, the art, implementing ideas, coming up with finished is something that I want and need to do right now. Right now I am in the middle of doing a kaleidoscope series...if you want to see my new series and the rest of my creations..please head on over to FINDING MYSELF and check it out for yourself...I would love your opinions on it is easy to leave a comment..or just leave a comment here or email me....I would love to know what you all think of honest...I need that!!!!
WELL - Thanksgiving was so wonderfully PEACEFUL...the perfect holiday. We cooked up big time...the turkey was so juicy it fell right off the bones...OMG - it was glorious...we had garlic and herb mashed potatoes, Hawaiian biscuits, sweet potatoes with syrup and cinnamon and mini marsh mellows, green bean casserole, stuffing, gravy...and of course pumpkin pie and cheesecake for desserts...WE WERE went so smoothly the cooking and the whole day I could not have asked for a better holiday...and to spend it with Allen and Crystalyn made it perfect. We took pictures of our plates and sent them to our son in Japan who drooled over the pics...too funny....
We finally got the MAIN PRESENT for our son in the mail - so this week all packages are going out...I thought we would have done it by now...but this week Allen has been feeling bad..he hurt the side of his chest when pulling out a starter on the jeep. He will not see a doctor right now - only if it gets worse - so for now he is taking Ibuprofen for it. Also for three days now I have had a WICKED headache...I have no idea why...I do know thatthe weather changed day this week it is in the 80's and then at night it drops down to 40...for Florida that is dramatic...but the cooler air feels so good...maybe with the air pressure changing it has given me a headache...I don't know - I just wish it would go away...I have taken way too many Tylenol and ibuprofens...if anyone has a headache fix..let me know.
I do have to get motivated to send out Christmas cards...I had planned on doing them last weekend...but now I cannot sit long enough to look through for addresses and write lil tidbits to send them out...(though I do have my card list written out - at least I got that far).
So now about Christmas...My son AJ will be home officially on the 14th. I think he is staying for two weeks...two glorious will be wonderful because AJ has a magnificent way of making me laugh no matter what is happening or how I feel...I need his humor at home right now. It will be grand to have him around. So I have basically done all my Christmas shopping online...since I am not one to go out a is my safest bet. I found some GREAT bargains and have been quite pleased that I have been able to buy for everyone and not panic that I cannot find the perfect gift or that I waited until the last minute. So for the last two weeks...packages have been coming in almost everyday..the neighbors are getting suspicious...LOL. The reason I laugh is because a couple in central Florida were getting A LOT of packages sent to them on a weekly basis...both people did not leave the house for jobs...they were always home..(well sounds like Allen and I) (and one of our neighbors asked my daughter - what exactly are all the packages we are always getting)...well that other couple - it turns out, were getting packages of marijuana delivered by UPS and FEDex (they were major drug dealers)...LOL of course those companies did not know that is what was being sent...but now Allen and I keep thinking that our neighbors must wonder how is it that we are always home yet we keep getting packages...LOL - so now every time we get a package...or we see the UPS guy in front of our house...we look at each other and say that our drug connection has arrived...LOL. We know the UPS guy by his first name..and he knows ours...between him and the postman we are one big happy family--LOL!
Well we had to start celebrating Christmas a bit early this year just between Allen, Crystalyn and I because some things I only bought in threes...and I don't want AJ to feel left out - so we already got some gifts that I had ordered...check out the pictures below:
I collect salt and pepper shakers and teapots so I could not resist these.
Old age for me, boob cream for Crystalyn - LOL and bald head for Allen - these are just too funny and they love them.
Perky is mine - dumb people is Allen - Smartass is so Crystalyn - LOL
I am waiting to hear from the company I bought the mugs from because if you notice...the blue mug with "I don't do perky" - the paint got on the it was a mistake yet still mailed it off...I DON'T THINK I will see what they say.
Also I still have to call the post office...I received a package from was a substitute mail person who delivered the has two books for me and one for Crystalyn for Christmas...the "nitwit" (I am trying to be kind)..left the box out in the pouring rain (a couple of days ago), so my two soft covered books got ruined but Crystalyn's was fine. When we get packages...all delivery people leave it by the front has a nice size overhang so anything under it is out of the weather...well for some unknown reason - this mail carrier just left it on the ground in front of our parked cars...(what the heck was she thinking?) I am sure that the post office is not going to do anything but I still want to complain. What do you think?
Anyway - we have our little tree by the front door outside...instead of having an inside tree...our dogs are too insane to have a tree inside the house. They have destroyed everything else...and the tree looks soon as we are done fiddling with it...I will take pics.
Allen bought a canopy....the kind that are not attached to your a big tent without the sides...I love is 11'x13' - I was telling Allen that if I decided to ever get into doing craft fairs that 95% of them suggest bringing your own canopy to use as your booth...keeps the sun off of you and keeps your crafts protected from the weather - well when we looked up prices they start anywhere from $175 dollars up to a couple of $1000. Well Allen went out this past week to pick up some soda (my precious supply ran out) and he came across a little garage type sale that they have here on the side of the grassy areas...(boy you can find some deals sometimes) well it just happened that a man was selling brand new (boxes never opened) canopies that he bought but decided he did not need my hunnie bought me one...yeppers...and guess how much he paid....are you ready for this $25 dollars...that is it...for the largest size that sells for hundreds in the magazine. OMG - how cool is that!!!! I am so excited - he always thinks of me - so we have it set up in front of our house with our fire pit under it along with our is so nice in the afternoon - no sun gets in...and it just makes things cozy...he is so funny!!! Again - I will take a picture and show you all...but I am so excited...he said it is so easy to put up and take down so that is a major plus.
We hear from Eric every day...he is good...busy busy busy (I don't want to know doing what) but he is enjoying himself so far - less insanity then when he was in Arizona...he is anxious to get his package from us...we keep teasing him about things that might be in it or not....he is just dying (he loves surprises but cannot stand being the one who is on the receiving end - LOL).
Everything else is seems like this month is flying by also - too fast for me...I want to enjoy all the pre-Christmas music and decorations and atmosphere...I don't want it to go by too is the anticipation of it all that I love...the build slow is good to me!
Well I think I have caught up on all the news that is fit to print at this point...
I hope life is treating you all really well and remember - HUG those you LOVE..time is so short and precious..enjoy every second!!
Until Next Time ..... PEACE!!!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


I want to THANK YOU all for your support and kind words - regarding my last means the world to me and truly brought tears to my heart. So THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU...from the bottom of my heart.
WOW...This holiday came up quick....We are ready to feel bloated for hours...YUMMIE...but it just seems like this month has flown by.
Some highlights to this week - we have heard from our son...he arrived safe and sound...he is adjusting to a whole new way and culture...the money exchange is driving him a bit crazy. We have already gone out shopping and bought all the stuff for his first care package. We had this idea to find a lil tiny Christmas tree to send to him but could not find one...someone also suggested the same thing..but we did buy a BIG Christmas stocking and have filled it with fun goodies for him. I am just waiting on his main Christmas gift to arrived by UPS and then we will send off his package.  I guess this will be a test of how the mail system works to send packages to him. I realize it will take longer then normal because it is the holidays...I just hope it gets it before Christmas. My son cannot stand secrets (like what we got him and Christmas presents and such) (he was the biggest snoop during Christmas growing up) so I cannot tell you what we got him until I know his package has arrived because he tends to read my journal when he is bored. (boys are like that I think). He said that we would have to send it return receipt because the military there will keep better track of things (go figure).
Crystalyn has been off from school...all week. Of course she is in school..catch up on sleep..she and my hunnie went grocery shopping this past weekend and went crazy on a few things (NOT ON MY LIST). She got these books that are dimensional...things that you can feel - touch - lil envelopes in them with secret compartments and is about the history and story behind the Pirates of the Caribbean and the other is about the history of Fairies. These books are so can spend hours just reading all the lil notes and turning up lil flaps and reading secrets and such in the books...the artwork is she had her dad take her back to walmart to get another one called Chronicles of Spiderwick. If you go to walmart - check out these very cool..especially if you or someone you know is into fantasy or art or just cool and different books. They are a bit expensive (around 16-18 dollars) but a great Christmas present.
My other son AJ should be home after December will be great to have him here for the holidays...he can always make me laugh..and I think he really needs a break from army life. Crystalyn and him have a habit of taking off with a camcorder and just videotaping everything and doing some crazy should be so much fun!
I have been spending even more time updating my art blog...FINDING MYSELF.
Please feel free to check it out and let me know what you think. I really am enjoying myself - creating again has given me a new outlet. Feels good.
NOW - as a side note - hunnie and Crystalyn have been trying for a very long time to get me to go outside the front door. Finally about 2-3 weeks ago I started to go outside and see what hunnie was working on.(his buggy and our bar-b-q). He got me to sit for a few minutes...and the minutes started getting longer - and now I am up to about 2 hours...well because of the time gets dark early so I told him that a fire pit would be so much sit around and just talk and such. Well - hunnie and Crystalyn went shopping and got the one I found on a web site...below are the has been really nice.
(my camera's battery was dying out so it slightly smeared the pic)
You would think a fire pit in Florida is a bit pathetic but on the cold nights it has been great. So being outside in the front yard (where other people can see me) has been a bit stressful for me...but slowly I am getting used to it...even met one neighbor..(which terrified me) but all things are good. WOW that first step was a lulu but I am still going out every day to this is a very good thing.
WELL - I think I have pretty much caught you all up on the bit of news around here...I just want to wish you and yours a BEAUTIFUL and BLESSED Thanksgiving..I am grateful for each and every one of have added so much to my life in so many ways...mere words are not enough to tell you all the impact you have had in my life...but THANK YOU - I appreciate your friendships and support and caring ways!!!
Below is a bit of inspiration for Thanksgiving...:

It's the time of year when we're reminded to give thanks.
Instead of waiting until next year to be reminded,
Let's make every day one of thanksgiving;
After all, each day is a unique gift.
So, give a hug for no reason;
Say I love you, just because;
Share a smile with a stranger;
Take the time to count your blessings;
Don't take anything or anyone for granted;
And end each day with no regrets.
Thank you, my friends and family,
For sharing, caring, laughing and crying with me.
I'm truly blessed to have each and every one of you in my life
And I am thankful you have allowed me
To be a part of yours.
May you and yours have a safe and memorable Thanksgiving.
Author Unknown.


Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears.
Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.
Count your health instead of your wealth;
Count on God instead of yourself.
Author Unknown.


Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire.
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times.
During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
because it will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes.
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
because it means you've made a difference.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who
are also thankful for the setbacks.
Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,
and they can become your blessings.
Author Unknown.
Remember to HUG those you LOVE...Tell them how GRATEFUL you are for them!

Thursday, November 15, 2007


Well - my heart is breaking in son had to leave tuesday afternoon instead of was the only flight he could arrange to catch up with the unit that is deploying out (from dallas/ft.worth).
So he hugged me tight...and I watched the car pull away and cried my heart out....I am angry our visit was so short...there was so much more we all wanted to much more to say...but in the end saying I LOVE YOU is all that really matters.
He lost even more weight due to being out in the field for 10 days of survival, before coming home...he is now officially a PFC in Military Intelligence....suffice it to say...yes he will be fighting the Iraqi in terrorist cells located in the Phillipines...he has a hard road ahead of him..all I can do is pray and hope that he stays safe.
He is already orientated to what he will be doing specifically and where exactly and of course for his safety it is all under wraps...nothing told to we can just sit and wait for the phone calls or emails and see what happens. He won an award for Military Interrogation (which is his specific field) - I am proud of him and worried out of my mind.
He did tell us of incidents of people (civilians in the US - even a handful of veterans) that have walked up to him - cussing him out because he is a soldier...for wearing a uniform that represents death, for being involved with the military that are killing innocent people. Yes there are many more people that say THANK YOU...but he said it does mess up his head (his words)..hurts him to think that there are actually americans out there that would say such hurtful things TO any soldier willing to keep their freedoms free.
Of course we talked about it....tried to show him that it takes all kinds to make up this country and that is part of what he is fighting for....but his only wish is that they would NOT say it TO HIS FACE....because it takes everything inside of him NOT to go my son replied by saying to these people: "THANKS for letting me know how you feel and walked away."
Yes I watch the news and I am well aware that there are people out there that are dead set against the is one thing to express that but to express it in the face of a soldier makes me SICK!!!
So here is my advice - if my sons being in the military upsets you in any way, shape or form because you believe it is wrong - SCREW YOU!!
Don't bother coming to my journal...People like you are worthless in my life....I have no time for you...
for those of you that support my sons...BLESS YOUR will always have a place in my life!!!
I have always been a firm believer in the quote:
"I may not agree with what you say or believe but I will defend your
right to say or believe it...."
I will add some pics as soon as I upload them....for the last 36 or so hours we have just been unstressing from the whole quick visit and trying to plan out our first care package to send him. If you all have any ideas...I am so open to suggestions...I like the idea of sending christmas candy since it only comes out once a year and that is something he will not find in Japan. Oh - his base station is Camp cool of a name...unique!
On a different note - we just got my daughter's final senior portraits in the mail yesterday - so as soon as I can, I will scan one to show you all...
I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is already upon us...GEEZ I have lost all track of time...We were going to go out and not deal with all the cooking and such since there was only going to be my hunnie and daughter will not be going to my parents house because we just could not get a flight that was NOT an arm and a leg in costs more to fly in the state of Fla then for me to fly to Puerto Rico or New York or even she is staying now hunnie wants to cook at home...he is all into it...and already has ideas of what to cook...he will do most of the cooking..what a cutie!!!
Well I think I have preached enough and let out a bit of my rants and raves...Oh BTW - I have been creating everyday in my art blog so PLEASE go check it out and let me know what you think. Here is the link:
Below is a poem I received in my box today and thought I would share it, since it seemed to fit in a bit with this entry...(have a tissue handy)
From the daughter of a soldier - Worth a read to the very end!

Last week, I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer.

I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.

Moving through the terminal was a group of soldiers in their uniforms, as they began heading to their gate everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering.

When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded And cheered for, it hit me.

I'm not alone.

I'm not the only red blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.

Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work, and enjoy our home without fear or reprisal.

Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of Our service men and women a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers.

He knelt down and said "hi," the little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her.

The young soldier didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy.

Suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughters name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Corporal and had been in Afghanistan for 5 months now.

As the mum was explaining how much her daughter, Courtney, missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.

When this temporarily single mum was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second.

Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military looking walkie-talkie.

They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, "I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you."

He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

He finished by saying "Your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon."

The mum at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet he saluted Courtney and her mum.

I was standing no more than 6 feet away as this entire event unfolded.

As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause.

As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own.

That young soldier in one last act of moment turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices.

At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.
Until Next Time ...... Remember to HUG those you never know about tomorrow!!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007


I am a whisper on the wind,
of times past and places long forgotten:
Valleyforge, Gettysburg, Batan,
Pearl Harbor, Normandy, Seoul,
Saigon, Loas, Kuwait, Iraq.

I am the heart of the countless numbers:
scarred and maimed American Veterans
And the soul of the buried unknowns

I am the integral part of each
white cross in Flanders Fields.

And I am sealed within each name
on the wall. I am part of each and
every headstone of every
American veteran in every cemetery
around the world.

I am deeply enmeshed in every tiny
undiscovered bone fragment of an
American veteran left behind, on foreign soil.

I am the unseen shadow,
the unheard voice in those many
empty cells that once held my
brothers in unspeakable torture.

I am the unbearable pain in the hearts of
every Mother, Father, Wife, Husband,
Brother, .Sister, and Child of the missing
American Veterans from all wars

I am within each and every
teardrop shed by family members for
their unaccounted loved ones.

I am the essence of each and every
drop of blood shed in the past or
the future, by an American Veteran
in the name of freedom.

I am the lifeblood of the colors
of the American Flag:
Blue for my loyalty and dedication
White for my steadfastness
Red for my pride and love of my country.

I am the spirit of each name on
the black granite wall.
..Of all those unaccounted for in every war.

Of those who went away to war,
galant young soldiers and came
back older than time or not at all.

...I am The Spirit Of The American Soldier...
If you REALLY want to THANK a soldier....Click on the link:
send them a card designed by a child and make their day, week, month!
**I know I have not been around this past week....son is home to say good bye before flying out to Japan...will fill you all in on it later...
Just wanted to THANK A SOLDIER - A VET - MY WAY!!!
Hug someone you LOVE....Time is short!!!

Sunday, November 4, 2007



Finally I have a few moments to catch up on a few things…First the weather - WOW finally some fall like weather has finally hit the sunshine state. I am loving it! I can actually breathe in some fresh air without choking. It has been wonderful the last few days…I have actually been sitting outside just soaking it all in!

Hurricane Noel skirted our coast but THANK GOD for the low front that was coming in the opposite direction and forced Noel to go away..unfortunately the east coast beaches took a beating with high surfs and more beach erosion has occurred, but at least NO HURRICANES…it has been the most mildest season I have ever seen in the 20 or so years I have lived here. (knock on wood)

I have really been doing some major blog hopping and researching on creating. Almost seems you would not have to research it but you do…to find things that inspire you. I think that is what spoiled things for me…lack of inspiration…I wanted to see what inspires others to create…see what they create..what they use..the thought process…I could go on and on..but I don’t want to bore anyone..suffice it to say…I have found things to inspire me..words, pictures, art, materials…things that once again..make me want to create. So I have been working on my art blog quite a bit…researching places to sell art at, “getting the word out” sort of speak. It really has been a labor of love for me. My head has not been so obsessed with depression and feeling trapped inside myself (now my battle with severe depression has been an on going thing for several years due to finding out just how sick I am). Being depressed took away my joy…but creating is bringing it back..all this research is bringing it back, thinking of new ways to be creative is bringing it back, meeting new people in the “art” community is bringing it back…..sharing my art with other people (actually letting others seeing it) is bringing it back. Just playing with supplies, throwing things together is bringing it back. I guess you get the point. You would think (if you have never suffered from depression) that it would be so easy to find things that give you joy likeyour significant other, your kids, your job, your fur babies, your possessions…but it does not. It does not mean that you love your family any less or that they are not important in your life…it is just that the joy disappears from your thought process from deep within your heart it is almost impossible to make yourself feel it or experience it. Strange I am sure, to most people but not to me! I am far from being “cured” or out of that depressive state…but I can feel that joy slowly warm my heart, I can see the light in my head in that very dark tunnel in a far off distance. It feels good! So that is why feeling creative is so important to me. I have uploaded some pics of some of my work and such so please feel free to go check it out for yourself: FINDING MYSELF.

So now you know what I have been doing…now on with other news...the daughter,Crystalyn - finally the first quarter of school is over..only 3 more to go…this also means report card time. To be honest…one grade needs improvement…she is also very confused as to why she received that grade because her main project was awesome! (she will have to speak with the teacher on monday) but she also received 3 “A’s” which I am thrilled about. She is a happy camper and it showed her that all the work was truly worth it…it was a great boost to her self esteem which is always a good thing! I am very proud of her!

The night before last my son, AJ, who is stationed at Ft Campbell Kentucky IM’d me and we video chatted for a couple of hours…that was so much fun..he has a wonderful sense of humor….he could always make me laugh about anything! He has received confirmation that his vacation has been he will be home from December 18th to January 1st., so I am very will be wonderful to have him home for the holidays! My other son, Eric, just came in from the field…he has been out in the field for over 10 days now, he said it was a nightmare - a type of make you or break you final training…now he gets ready for graduation from AIT and then home to see us for a few days, we bought him a ticket back to Arizona after his visit BUT now the Commander decided to cut vacation time for those deploying now things areup in the air as far as his visit home..I am still keeping positive about this because I really want to see him and refuse to give up hope.

It has been a full week with nice temps…we did have rain on and off for 4 or 5 days but we needed it since the state’s water table is 24 inches below critical. But this weekend is absolutely lovely…so I think I will go and sit out some more!

Here is a bit of inspiration for you:

Remember To HUG Everyone You Love!!!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Yes I know – I seem to just pick up and leave without any notice…this happens for many reasons of which I may touch on some in this entry.

We are still alive and well  - all is fairly good…I will try and remember some highlights..

***My son stationed in Arizona will be graduating from his AIT (specialty in the army-job) training on November 8th. Then early morning of the 9th he will be heading here, home sweet home. He is driving here; he plans to make the trip in two days (a lil over 2000 miles). The reason is because he has officially received his orders and yes he is heading out for Japan. That is where he will be stationed, but his work in Intelligence and Interrogation will take place in the Philippines. Now we all know what kind of work that entails and who it entails so enough said. I am happy for him because he gets to discover other countries, but my heart is breaking. I worry about his safety and well-being. I have been unable to really talk about it because not being able to see him for at least two years will make me crazy. We are buying him a web cam so we can see each other when he gets the chance to get online. Right now we have no idea how often that will be or what kind of connection he will have. We have booked his flight reservations back to Arizona for November 17th – he flies out of Arizona before the crack of dawn on the 18th. They have a army liaison at the airport that will make sure he gets a complimentary room to catch some sleep before flying out. He is driving here because he will leave his car with us. The army told him to store it in California but when Eric asked about if it will be maintained or if someone will at least start it up once a month the army said NO…you just leave it there and it stays untouched. Well Eric said forget it I will store it in Orlando. So they give him a couple of days to drive here to store it! That way his dad will start it up a couple of times a month and maintain it for him. It will be such a blessing to see him…and try to squeeze in as much family time as possible with him. I just know though when it comes time to say good-bye – my heart will break. Just thinking about it makes me start crying.

***I have been calling my parents every week or so, staying in touch, and it is tearing me up inside that they truly are losing all train of thought. They become confused constantly. They cannot remember from one minute to another what is being said. It just terrifies me. I think I may have mentioned that my brother is trying to CON them into giving up their car because he says that my dad gets lost all the time. That is fine and well…but if that happens then when my parents need just a gallon of milk they will have to wait until someone can take a minute out of their day to take them to the store. I know that won’t be my brother, he life is just too full and my parents are not his priority. My brother tried to tell me about what is happening with my folks and I told him I understood because they were getting like that when they lived up here…he told me he finds it hard to believe that I even dealt with my parents in that state of mind. HE JUST TICKS ME OFF!!! I am so done trying to be cordial to him. I am tired of his condescending remarks. I am trying to arrange right now for my daughter to stay with my folks for a week during Thanksgiving break. This year because we have had no hurricanes (thank God) the school system did not have to call off school…so now they have to return the days to the kids. So the weekend before Thanksgiving and that whole week and the weekend after, Crystalyn has no school. That is the perfect time for her to go down there. Her cousins will be off from school and she will be able to see what is going on with my folks. Maybe help them sort through some things to make life easier. I would much rather have her go down there for Thanksgiving and be home for Christmas. That way Allen and I will just go out for Thanksgiving and treat ourselves to a nice dinner where no one has to cook, and we can be waited on. Crystalyn would leave the day after Eric does. Then my other son Allen jr should be coming home sometime around Christmas (but those plans are not definite yet).

***Allen has been working on old lawnmower motors and fixing up our grill and fiddling around with the yard and all.

***Believe it or not – we still have not uploaded any pics from Crystalyn’s birthday, or the pumpkin carving, or anything else that has been happening…just no energy right now to do it…but hopefully once things settle down I will get things uploaded and then show you all. Crystalyn’s senior portrait should be here soon because the charge to my bank arrive late last week…and I also had to send in a payment for her class is done in panoramic. Her class has 800 students….Geez…my graduating class had 126..and we thought that was big.

***I have been working on some art….just trying out different mediums and such – did I tell you all yet that I have an art blog? Well I do. It is on blogspot. If you want to check it out for yourself here is the link: Finding Myself! Right now I only have the digital paintings I have been working on and my scrap booking pages, but I will be posting my mixed media soon..just have to find the time to get organized. It is so hard when you are chronically depressed and you try to focus your energy on positive things. Seems like any effort is a major hurdle and zaps the energy right out of me. Slowly I am getting there. Have I mentioned yet that Allen went to a yard sale and saw this sort of table that has two draws and got it for me…the top has to be replaced but it is for me to use as a craft table. I am so EXCITED….it has a heavy metal frame and painted red…we are going to put a bigger top on it (thicker too) and decorate the top, maybe by painting it or by putting a collage on it and then seal it. It will take some time, but it is a fun project to do. We have been making A LOT of beef jerky and banana chips and dehydrated pumpkin seeds. We are already preparing a care package for Eric…if anyone has any ideas that are unique and or fun, let me know. Just so you know we have already written down snacks he likes and he said forget about toiletries because the army provides what he needs, but I would love to send him packages of fun stuff and munchies and surprises to pass the time for him, something that he can look forward to.

***We had a bit of a scare here – my daughter has a dog named Thor…he is a rottie…truly a sweetie but will not allow anyone not in the family around her. He will tear them up. (This has happened on several occasions). Well she noticed that he had gotten up and there was a puddle of blood. Then noticed that he could not pee. She noticed this on a Saturday night and the vet is closed and closed on Sunday. So on a Monday morning she called the vet and got an appointment for him. To make a long story short…he broke the bone around his urethra…they said probably when he tried to mate with one of our females..(see what happens when a guy does not keep it in his pants—just kidding) daughter was so scared he was going to die…and she was so terrified when they had to put a muzzle on him…he has never been confined that way. WELL the good news is after they called some specialists…the vet decided to put him on steroids for three weeks and the scar tissue would heal the bone growing a bone. I am happy to announce Thor is back to his sweet self and just loving on Crystalyn as always. Thor will be getting fixed VERY SOON so that he does not have those “urges” and will not re injure himself. Crystalyn received a hand written note from the doctor asking about Thor and how things are going. God Bless that Vet – I do not know of too many vets that actually do that. So she just thought that was too cool. Then she received another letter but this one had a card in it…it is an ID card for Thor. It has all his shot info on it and who his owner is and who his vet is and you can go online you can check out his info with his special code. It is too cute. It cost over 250 dollars for Thor but to see my daughter happy again and Thor back to normal is so worth every penny. That is her buddy. She has another dog named LilBit. He is the smallest one we have. He thinks he is king and she has spoiled him rotten that he believes what she has belongs to him. He is her shadow. He loves to play with her and share her food and sleep next to her when she is on the computer. He is just too much…makes me laugh because of his lil antics. Allen and I call him Gremlin because his ears look like the gremlin ears from the movie. LOL.

Well I think I have caught you all up on the top issues..hopefully I will be back sooner then later.

Before I forget--here is a "positive" blinkie for ya!



Remember to HUG those you LOVE because life is just too short!


Thursday, September 20, 2007


I should have entered this yesterday---but storms and heavy downpours of rain prevented me from getting has been that way pretty much since the weekend...LOTS AND LOTS of rain....they say we need to fill the aquaduct because now there have been nightly news reports of sinkholes happening all over....but rain seems to just add a dismal feeling to the air---and not being able to get online to pass the time adds a gloom....::sniff sniff::
If you want to see the entry I did of her birthday last year just click here-->17 YEARS OLD.
So my BEAUTIFUL daughter has turned the BIG AND OFFICIAL 18 YEARS OLD.
All I can say is WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW!!!!
With every day that passes-she still amazes me....She has a wonderful and crazy sense of very open minded...I am amazed and proud of the woman she has become...I could not ask for better--She has such dreams, so many things she wants to do and explore...I just know that with her determination-she will succeed at anything she sets her mind to.
I decided to show a couple of pics....the first one is of my grandmother--Crystalyn's great grandmother holding both Crystalyn and Joshua for the first grandmother was 90 at that time...Crystalyn and Joshua had been home from the hospital maybe a week at they only weigh 4 pounds each...they are dressed in Premie cabbage patch doll outfits that every time you picked them up the clothes would fall right that was crazy to handle...
This is Crystalyn now....ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL and just the APPLE OF MY EYE...truly I never thought this day would has been a WONDERFUL 18 years...full of everything that life has to offer....I so look forward to more!!!
Remember to hug those you LOVE.....PEACE!!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Have I mentioned anytime recently that the demons are fighting back bigger than ever....usually I do not like starting an entry on a downer---people do not like reading journals that are downers...but I am TRULY too tired emotionally and physically to fight the urge not to write about it....I know my entries are sporadic....I usually do not write when the "demons" are going strong....but it has reached a point that I am losing now...I have been fighting for 7 years this damn disease and the affects of the medications and giving up the life I once had....been fighting daily the battles....but I am no longer winning.
I seem to have more things to worry about and I am tired of that too---I have noticed that this bulge has appeared on my stomach---it is the size of a cantaloupe and hurts to be touched...the only time I am aware of it is when I cough or someone touches it....scares the life out of me...nothing I can do about it...but that is another story.....and now my kidneys feel like they have been through a 15 round fight and I back is killing me...I actually surprised my hunnie and daughter a couple of days ago and said LET'S GO OUT AND EAT....they were so happy I wanted out of the we went to Denny's I ordered a steak dinner---so delicious....but after about 45 minutes of being back was screaming to get out of there....tears just started streaming down my daughter helped me out to the car and there I stayed....I told Allen to take his time finishing up....the car seats help alleviate some of the pain--so I was ok. Well yesterday I again told them that I wanted to go our favorite Chinese restaurant....but after eating for about 20 minutes FORGET IT--I had to go back and sit in the car....the pain was unreal. Once everyone was done eating and we got home---I just cried for the rest of the night.....I thought I had hit a mile stone because-Finally my head was ok to go out and but now my back is not going for it....believe it or not it just SCARES the HELL out of me....I know that Allen is sick and tired of all this.....he has become extremely irritated by it all....I am sure he feels helpless...but in his frustration--I am who do I turn to? The doctor I have for my lungs is sweetheart...and at the beginning of our long "relationship" with my illness...he was very understanding and took care of whatever my body was going through---but something has happened...because he is NO LONGER doing that....he actually made me feel stupid when I asked him about Klonopin which is what I was taking to take the edge off the anxiety so that I can get out without freaking.....he said FORGET IT...he does not involve himself in other issues...(news to me)...for the first time...I truly felt hurt by him because for the last 7 years he has helped me through everything...As a matter of fact I did have an appointment with him a week ago...but I cancelled it and rescheduled...WHY BOTHER GOING???? I am just going to be given the SAME DAMN MEDS as I have been taking for the last 7 years...7 years of prednisone...which helps me breathe but kills the rest of your body organs, adavair (another steroid) that helps me to breathe but also kills vital healthy cells and the list goes on.....and going - there is no use in trying to tell him how I feel because nothing will change....the lower back problem - I will be told - is not an issue for him.....well maybe it is because of all the steroids I take....but I guess he does not see it that way.
Again--I am freaking crying because I am LOST....and so very fed up with being sick.....I HATE IT!!!! I want my old body and my old life back!!!! My back is not legs are not working, my head seems to leading it's own rampage, my skin looks like I have been through a war zone (sores and boils everywhere)--then my family looks at me and wonders why the HELL am I depressed...GEEEEZZZ!!!
Well I am making myself sick just writing all this---but I had to get it out--this is my last refuge...I have no friends here in my real life---just my hunnie and daughter--and they are tired of it is not easy when you are around me...I will return with what is going on otherwise later---just gotta go for now.
Remember to HUG those you LOVE!!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


It has been Six Years .... to me it seems like yesterday...Words still cannot express what I was thinking at the time I saw the towers get hit....words still escape me...Here is my lil tribute to that horrific day...Say a prayer for all those that perished...for those that tried to rescue, for all that have been affected by such insanity....Pray for those that are still suffering and fighting for our freedom to NOT fear.


  Two thousand one, nine eleven
  Three thousand plus arrive in heaven
  As they pass through the gate,
  Thousands more appear in wait
  A bearded man with stovepipe hat
  Steps forward saying, "Lets sit, lets chat"

  They settle down in seats of clouds
  A man named Martin shouts out proud
  "I have a dream!" and once he did
  The Newcomer said, "Your dream still lives."

  Groups of soldiers in blue and gray
  Others in khaki, and green then say
  "We're from Bull Run, Yorktown, the Maine"
  The Newcomer said, "You died not in vain."

  From a man on sticks one could hear
  "The only thing we have to fear.
  The Newcomer said, "We know the rest,
  Trust us sir, we've passed that test."

  "Courage doesn't hide in caves
  You can't bury freedom, in a grave,"
  The Newcomers had heard this voice before
  A distinct Yankees twang from Hyannisport shores

  A silence fell within the mist
  Somehow the Newcomer knew that this
  Meant time had come for her to say
  What was in the hearts of the five thousand plus that day

  "Back on Earth, we wrote reports,
  Watched our children play in sports
  Worked our gardens, sang our songs
  Went to church and clipped coupons
  We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we fought
  Unlike you, great we're not"

  The tall man in the stovepipe hat
  Stood and said, "Don't talk like that!
  Look at your country, look and see
  You died for freedom, just like me"

  Then, before them all appeared a scene
  Of rumbled streets and twisted beams
  Death, destruction, smoke and dust
  And people working just 'cause they must

  Hauling ash, lifting stones,
  Knee deep in hell, but not alone
  "Look! Blackman, Whiteman, Brownman, Yellowman
  Side by side helping their fellow man!"

  So said Martin, as he watched the scene
  "Even from nightmares, can be born a dream."

  Down below three firemen raised
  The colors high into ashen haze
  The soldiers above had seen it before
  On Iwo Jima back in '45

  The man on sticks studied everything closely
  Then shared his perceptions on what he saw mostly
  "I see pain, I see tears,
  I see sorrow -- but I don't see fear."

  "You left behind husbands and wives
  Daughters and sons and so many lives
  Are suffering now because of this wrong
  But look very closely. You're not really gone.

  All of those people, even those who've never met you
  All of their lives, they'll never forget you
  Don't you see what has happened?
  Don't you see what you've done?
  You've brought them together, together as one.

  With that the man in the stovepipe hat said
  "Take my hand," and from there he led
  Three thousand plus heroes, Newcomers to heaven
  On this day, two thousand one, nine eleven

  Author UNKNOWN
As the soot and dirt and ash rained down,
We became one color.
As we carried each other down the stairs
of the burning building,
We became one class.
As we lit candles of waiting and hope,
We became one generation.
As the firefighters and police officers
fought their way into the inferno,
We became one gender.
As we fell to our knees
in prayer for strength,
We became one faith.
As we whispered or shouted
words of encouragement,
We spoke one language.
As we gave our blood
in lines a mile long,
We became one body.
As we mourned together the great loss,
We became one family.
As we cried tears of grief and loss,
We became one soul.
As we retell with pride
the sacrifice of heroes,
We become one people.
"We Are"
One color
One class
One generation
One gender
One faith
One language
One body
One family
One soul
One people
We are the Power of One.
We are United.
We are America.
~By Dr. Cheryl Sawyer~
On September 11, thousands of
Americans lost their lives to a
senseless and cowardly act of terrorism
and an entire nation mourned.

However, these terrorists
knew nothing about the
American spirit.

They greatly underestimated our
strength, resolve, and bravery.

We've met with disaster,
but we've come together in the midst
of adversity and found strength
through one another.

We refuse to be beaten, bullied,
or weakened by terrorists.

And we are far from helpless.

We will stand together through
this crisis, and we will heal.

We will raise our flag
and let it fly high and victorious
beneath the stars.

And we will emerge stronger
than ever before,
united through our pride,
our compassion,
and our faith in God.

Sunday, August 19, 2007


The wayward son is home....Lord Have Mercy--it is GREAT  to see him...just hugging him knowing he is good and all is well (seeing it for myself) brings a lot of relief to my mind. I was so HAPPY he was home I actually WENT OUTSIDE..sat under a tree with Allen and Crystalyn and watched Eric ride our mud is actually a dune buggy but of course if there is mud to be found--all of us enjoy going through mud...must be a southern thing...LOL.

So of course I took a TON of pics....picked out the ones I thought were fun and put them together for you all to check out....Eric's best friend came by also and hung out for a while...William lives a few houses down the road...they have known each other since they were 9 years old....William is like another son....I think growing up he spent more time with us then he did with his own family...I know he spent the majority of the holidays with us...Saturday night he and Eric went Eric's race he was run off the course by another car...(sniff sniff) so he did not win....but William won his race...Allen went to go watch them...he said it was wild...I just cannot watch...too worried about someone getting hurt.

Tonight I think Eric wants to go out and Eat at a place called Whistle Junction...I am NOT going...I spent an hour and half outside yesterday and today my body just hurts way too much and I am so bothers me that my body will not cooperate but I just cannot take the pain today....but I am sending the camera along with them...hopefully they will get some fun pics. Enjoy the picture show...Hope everyone has been having a FANTASTIC weekend...
Before I forget---Here is YOUR POSITIVE MESSAGE:

Remember to HUG those you LOVE--time is so short!