Sunday, December 31, 2006


I just wanted to wish you and yours a very BLESSED and LOVING new year...

During the year may you have
Enough happiness to keep you sweet.
Enough trials to keep you strong.
Enough sorrow to keep you human.
Enough hope to keep you happy.
Enough failure to keep you humble.
Enough success to keep you eager.
Enough friends to give you comfort.
Enough wealth to meet your needs.
Enough enthusiasm to make you look forward to tomorrow.
Enough determination to make each day better than the day before.

Friday, December 29, 2006


Just a quick entry to say Hi and share a couple of pictures...from Christmas....
I truly was thrilled that my boys came home...great to spend time with them....we took tons of pictures and they even helped get the house in a better order....did some painting and cleared out a lot of clutter for me and really took a load off my mind about getting things together.
My son AJ has already left (last night) ...he has to check in and wait on processing about being sent to Texas.
Eric leaves on January 3rd so we have a few days left with him...he has really helped his dad get some stuff done on some motor projects and they really have been a blessing.
I do hope that everyone had a LOVELY Christmas....
Without further are the pics....
Eric on the left and AJ on the right
My children all home for the holidays!!!
The kids and Big Daddy!!!
I hope everyone has a JOYOUS and LOVING New Year.
Stay Safe!!!

Monday, December 25, 2006



I also wanted to THANK YOU ALL for touching my all in one way or another have truly enriched it by your friendship, kind words, supportive strength, and just by being you...for that
I will be forever grateful...
Be good to one another and always remember the real reason for the season!!!

Friday, December 22, 2006


Hello Dear Friends---I am still here---I am sure most have given up on me...I have given up on me....
It has been extremely difficult for me to find the strength to just say hi in an entry and I do not know why...if I do say so myself, I am quite messed up.
Some highlights are as follows: I seem to have a bone spur (at least that is what I suspect since I have had many) on the base of my spine---tail makes it impossible to sit at all. There is really nothing that can be done because I take so many different steroids, as it is, to maintain my lungs, that there really is nothing else to be will just take the steroids (they are assuming) a very long time to shrink the spur...go sitting at my computer is not an option really...I get on long enough to delete mail so that my box does not fill up and that is about it....I am much more comfortable in my recliner...I have no idea why...we have tried LOTS AND LOTS of different pillows and cushions on my chair to see if it helps but NOTHING!!! The pain actually leaves me seeing stars it gets so bad....
I seem to have sunk at a all time low in depression...I cannot see the light of day sort of speak...all I do is cry...and cry...and cry...I guess you get the idea...I cannot even function around the house in the least bit...
Christmas is NON-EXISTENT at our money--no gifts -- no holiday get the drift.
Did I mention that we have had NO STOVE/OVEN for at least two months....we have been cooking on a camp stove..I just want to say it SUCKS!!!
I have a new hobby---it is called SLEEPING....I sleep about 20 hours a day...WOW you say....I say it is not enough...and I cannot feels like I have not slept in years.
OKAY---the GOOD boys arehome for christmas...I thought this would be wonderful...but it just makes things more chaotic. I really have not seen much of them...everyone seems to have their own schedule of things to do. Don't misunderstand me--I am THRILLED in my own warped way that they are home and safe...they look AWESOME and are ARMY STRONG (teehee). But it is EXTREMELY obvious to me that they prefer their time with dad and I have yet to really spend any time with them...then again if I were them I guess I would not want to spend time with me I guess I should not complain.
My daughter has been out of school since December 15th...this is normal for here...she goes back sometime during the first week of January. She has decided to push my buttons and we are butting heads at every turn...I know teenagers have their moments...but she has gone extreme with everything...Allen and her treat each other so nasty that I just want to get the HELL OUT OF HERE...I cannot cannot cannot take the stress anymore. No matter what I say or do nothing helps.
Well there you have sob story...sorry to bring you all down but at least you know where my head is at.
If I do not get on again .... I truly want to wish you and yours a BEAUTIFUL and LOVING Christmas...filled with the love and warmth of family and friends. May the memories last you a life time...

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Just thought I would share a saying I stumbled across...a thought for today!!!

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Monday, November 27, 2006


 I have no idea why--but I am finding it difficult to write most of the time now...and writing used to be my passion as far back as I can remember. I had a 10th grade high school english teacher-Ms Newman..who walked,talked and taught by the beat of a different drummer. That is probably why I listened to her more then others...she fascinated me. Anyway..she got me involved in some SERIOUS journal writing. I had been keeping diaries since I was little...but serious writing, questioning,probing, soul searching,don't hold back kind of writing. I have been hooked ever since.
So it breaks my heart and boggles my mind when I do not have that inner self motivation and desire to write. I used to be able to write about anything and make others think or laugh or cry or just enjoy what they I cannot even get a solid thought down without struggling and stopping for long periods of time wondering if I should write what I wrote. Strange huh?
I know a lot of it has to do with me being so damned depressed...I have come to the realization that I can say that word..."DEPRESSED" , and not feel bad or awkward about it. That is a HUGE step for me...however...(don't you hate when there are those howevers that interfere) has really taken away my love of writing...yes I know you must be asking yourself..well she is writing a lot right now...but this is an entry that I have been writing and deleting and adding to for quite some time.
I am just so SICK AND TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED. If it is not something affecting my lungs which knocks me out for quite some time then it is being is like banging your head against a wall (which I do not recommend because it hurts after a while).
 The news that I did want to get out before it gets tooo old is that my son who went into the army first has been called into active duty Jan 4th I believe. Gee...he will heading for Texas but not sure where and we have no idea what happens after that..but of course that has me going crazy. Then the other son (Eric) is at Fort Sill trying to make it through basic. PLEASE keep your fingers crossed and keep positive thoughts flowing because both my boys might be here for Christmas which is a HUGE deal to will be the best gift ever. AJ will fly here or drive here from Tennessee around the 20th and Eric has exodus and will fly here on the 20th...right now the plans are that they will stay here until the 26th and then drive their sister down to see my folks and she is going to stay there till school starts in Jan and the boys will visit friends and such down there..and head back to wherever they need to go. Well those are the tentative plans right now..we will see what happens.
 I guess I should post this entry now before I change my mind..or it becomes old news...
Thanks for listening...PEACE!!!

Saturday, November 25, 2006


I hope everyone had a FANTASTIC Thanksgiving!!! Here we had the ribs like I mentioned before and they were fabulous...falling off the bone soft and juicy...I loved it all!!!
Well I thought I would share some of the ATC cards I have been making while being absent from the journal world...believe it or not I did create all of these...Here is just one of time goes on I will show you all more...
I hope you all have some great plans for the we are NOT doing the shopping thing...crowds definitely freak me out...we will wait.
Here is the card:

A different kind of look--but I like it!!!! Also this card is only 2.5 x 3.5 so it is quite small...but so much fun to do.
Enjoy the day!!!


Thursday, November 23, 2006


I am so very THANKFUL for everything in my life~~I know how very BLESSED I truly am...not a day goes by that I Do Not Stop for a moment and THANK GOD for everything and everyone in my life..because of these things and people...they have enriched my life..filled my heart with joy...and shared a piece of themselves with me!!!
Of course this means each and everyone of you that come by and read my journal--every comment you make, feeds into my life..lifts my spirit..and touches my heart!!!
I am blessed that you all have honored me with your thoughts and prayers are with you and yours on this THANKSGIVING DAY!!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


Okay---wanted to share something else I received in my email....
How to love the holidays without loosing your mind.
It’s that special time of year that everyone loves…and hates. We all look forward to the holidays, filled with special memories, tasty food and family gatherings. We want the season to be "flawless" and tend to drive ourselves crazy trying to achieve perfection! Before you reach for the antacid, grab a calendar, a pad of paper and a pen, and plan for a stress-free holiday season.
First be realistic. Don't try to cram every holiday tradition you've ever heard of into one season.
Plan activities that are meaningful to your family; sometimes the simplest times bring the best memories.
Go for the gold, not the glitter. Take time to establish a working plan, using your calendar. List everything that comes to mind. Be sure to include the family in your planning strategies.
Learn to delegate, and let others’ creative abilities shine.
You want the season to bring you together, not send everyone into opposite directions. The following helpful suggestions will keep you organized, calm and out of the running to be one more nut in the fruitcake! Be the shopping queen!
Don't let gift-buying get the best of you. Again, start with a plan.
Consider theme gifts such as gardening pails, food or book-lovers’ baskets, and get-away packages.
Scour catalogs for ideas and place orders early.
Avoid the malls on weekends and the day after Thanksgiving. Unless you love being in the crush of shoppers, leave “Black Friday” to the hard-core shoppers. Rather than spending hours in line to get a bargain, try internet shopping. You'll find just as many bargains, often with free shipping. Kick back with an eggnog and stock up on gifts…all in the comfort of your own home.
“He who hesitates is lost" and she who procrastinates is wrapping gifts at midnight on Christmas Eve. Wrap your gifts as you purchase them. It will eliminate a marathon wrapping session and keep curious eyes at bay.
Pare down the Christmas card list. If you haven't heard from your high school lab partner for ten years, it’s probably okay not to send a card this year.
Consider putting your card list in a database or spreadsheet. Printing the envelopes on your printer will save time and look very professional. All you have to do is sign, stuff and stamp.
Don't let the cookie crumble.
Holiday baking is a joy, not a chore. Make dishes that can be prepared ahead of time and frozen.
Prebake festive desserts  to serve to special guests. Many cookie batters can be refrigerated; whip up a batch or two during the week after dinner and refrigerate in plastic bags.
Mark cooking instructions on the bags. Then, plan an “all day bake” session with no muss and nothing to clean but the cookie sheets.
Spend some time enjoying the outdoors. Go for a walk in a nearby park.
Take a drive to admire the neighborhood lights.
Go sledding with the kids.
Remember why you loved the holidays as a child and re-create the fun.
Give peace a chance. Revel in the small, quiet moments.
Allow yourself at least 30 minutes of quiet time every day. You'll have time to recharge, and your outlook will remain positive.
Don't over-extend yourself or your plans.
Remember, Santa is the only one who gets everything done in one night!
When the holidays are over, sit back and breathe a sigh of relief.
But don't get too comfortable…New Year’s plans are just around the corner!

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006


Going through a few things in my files....hopefully you all will not be bored with my little case I do not get on before plans for the holiday are as follows: we discussed it boys will not be home this holiday and none of us wants to cook....we thought about going out...but none of us wants to deal with the we have decided to use the bar-b-que and do ribs...yes thanksgiving dinner will be ribs and macaroni salad and garlic bread and some sweet desserts.... we voted and democracy has won be honest--none of us are truly in the mood for turkey and all....not this holiday!!

Monday, November 20, 2006


Wanted to share this with you top off how I have been feeling...I have the flu seems every year it is harder and harder for me to get over the flu. Probably because I am getting older and is really wearing me out.
I hope everyone is healthy...especially since THANKSGIVING is right around the corner...any special plans?
Hope to be back soon again!!!

Thursday, November 16, 2006


This site was sent to me by a friend and I wanted to share it with can click on the link and it takes you to a xerox sponsored site that has designs for postcards created by pick a design you like and fill out just a couple of spaces and xerox will print out the postcard and send it to a soldier serving overseas...there are different greetings to choose can send as many as you want and it only takes about 20 seconds to fill it out..... I think this is a GREAT way to show the troops that there are people at home that care and have their backs....

Here is the site...and thank you ahead of time for doing this:


Take Care--PEACE---Ellie


Monday, November 13, 2006


I seem to be on a kick of SUPPORTING OUR TROOPS....
Well I wanted to share this article with you really touched my heart.....I am starting to be able to stay online look for more entries from me....just trying to keep an even keel.

Saturday, November 11, 2006



The average age of the military man is 19 years. He is a short haired, tight-muscled kid who, under normal circumstances is considered by society as half man, half boy. Not yet dry behind the ears, not old enough to buy a beer, but old enough to die for his country. He never really cared much for work and he would rather wax his own car than wash his father's; but he has never collected unemployment either.

He's a recent High School graduate; he was probably an average student, pursued some form of sport activities, drives a ten year old jalopy, and has a steady girlfriend that either broke up with him when he left, or swears to be waiting when he returns from half a world away.

He listens to rock and roll or hip-hop or rap or jazz or swing and 155 mm howitzer.

He is 10 or 15 pounds lighter now than when he was at home because he is working or fighting from before dawn to well after dusk.

He has trouble spelling, thus letter writing is a pain for him, but he can field strip a rifle in 30 seconds and reassemble it in less time in the dark.

He can recite to you the nomenclature of a machine gun or grenade launcher and use either one effectively if he must.

He digs foxholes and latrines and can apply first aid like a professional.

He can march until he is told to stop or stop until he is told to march.

He obeys orders instantly and without hesitation, but he is not without spirit or individual dignity.

He is self-sufficient.

He has two sets of fatigues: he washes one and wears the other.

He keeps his canteens full and his feet dry.

He sometimes forgets to brush his teeth, but never to clean his rifle.

He can cook his own meals, mend his own clothes, and fix his own hurts.

If you're thirsty, he'll share his water with you; if you are hungry, his food.

He'll even split his ammunition with you in the midst of battle when you run low.

He has learned to use his hands like weapons and weapons like they were his hands.

He can save your life - or take it, because that is his job.

He will often do twice the work of a civilian, draw half the pay and still find ironic humor in it all.

He has seen more suffering and death then he should have in his short lifetime.

He has stood atop mountains of dead bodies, and helped to create them.

He has wept in public and in private, for friends who have fallen in combat and is unashamed.

He feels every note of the National Anthem vibrate through his body while at rigid attention, while tempering the burning desire to 'square-away' those around him who haven't bothered to stand, remove their hat, or even stop talking.

In an odd twist, day in and day out, far from home, he defends their right to be disrespectful.

Just as did his Father, Grandfather, and Great-grandfather, he is paying the price for our freedom.

Beardless or not, he is not a boy.

He is the American Fighting Man that has kept this country free for over 200 years.

He has asked nothing in return, except our friendship and understanding.

Remember him, always, for he has earned our respect and admiration with his blood.

And now we even have woman over there in danger, doing their part in this tradition of going to War when our nation calls us to do so.

As you go to bed tonight, remember this shot..

A short lull, a little shade and a picture of loved ones in their helmets

Prayer wheel for our military... please don't break it. Please send this on after a short prayer.

Prayer Wheel

"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."


11th DAY of the 11th MONTH
by Michael T. Smith

In the USA, it is known as Veterans' Day.
In Canada, it is known as Remembrance Day.
When I was a youngster, it was just another holiday -- a day
when stores were closed and more importantly, there was no school.
I knew about the war, but I was free to play. I knew people
died for our freedom, but I could sleep in. I knew my parents had
little when they were growing up because of the war, but I had food
on my plate and a day to watch TV. The real meaning of the day was
distant to me.
Years later, my daughter joined the Brownies. The first year
she was a member, I set the alarm to wake us on the morning of 11/11.
She had to participate in a parade. Every Brownie, Girl Guide, Cub
Scout, and Scout had to participate in the parade. It was a day to
remember those who died for our freedom.
My wife and I left our daughter with the Guide leader and
proceeded to the Canadian Legion, where we waited for her. The kids
paraded a mile along the coastal roads of Nova Scotia, carrying their
flags high and proud. We waited for their arrival. Veterans joined
them. Old men, long past the prime. They'd fought in the trenches
and watched their comrades die. Many came in wheelchairs. Some
limped. A few still stood strong.
They walked as proudly as they could to the legion, where a band waited.
The band played, speeches were made, and on the 11th month, the
11th day, the 11th hour, the 11th minute, and the 11th second there
began two minutes of silence.
I looked at the veterans. Their sacrifices allowed us to stand
there that day. They gave us our freedom. The cold seeped through
my jacket. I reached out and held my wife. A tear trickled down my
cheek. For years, I slept as those brave men marched in the cold
November air in remembrance for those who died in battle beside them.
It took my daughter to make me realize the importance of the day.
I never missed another Remembrance Day. Years later, because of
work, I was separated from my family. I was in another city. On
Remembrance Day, I heard there was going to be a service in the city
square. I was in Saint John, New Brunswick. I put on my jacket and
tie, pinned a poppy to my lapel, walked the mile to the service,
stood in the damp cold and watched those brave men once again march
for our freedom.
I don't know if it was because I was away from my family or the
sight of those old men still walking proudly, but the memory of that
service never fades.
The Veterans marched, wheeled, and limped to the city square.
The mayor gave a speech. The two minutes of silence began. At the
end, a bagpipe began to play "Amazing Grace."
After the first chorus, a second bagpipe joined in, along with a
small band. On the third chorus, more bagpipes joined and a brass
band began to play. The building of sound, the magic of the moment
is something I will never forget. The tears filled my eyes that day,
as the blood must have filled the trenches in battle.
That moment burned in my mind forever.
On November 11th, please take a moment to remember those who
fought for our freedom and those that continue to fight for it.
May God bless them all.

Friday, November 10, 2006


I am sorry dear friends I have not been around....I have been so severely depressed that I cannot get my thoughts together enough to journal in once in a while...please be patient...I am fighting it all with all I is just such a struggle!!!

I wanted to leave you with this nice graphic poem...came across it and wanted to share...Peace Always--Ellie

Tuesday, October 31, 2006


I just could not let this day go by...without wishing you all a very HAPPY HALLOWEEN...may your day be filled with goolish suprises and LOTS of candy...hmmmm!!!



Wednesday, October 11, 2006


This video made me just tugs at your heart strings..what an incredible bond of LOVE and DEVOTION.

Monday, October 9, 2006


I feel like I am losing track of my time...
News happening on the home front- and I am just trying to keep ahead of that.
Here are some highlights:
*Remember when my hunnie was stopped and given a ticket by the psycho female state trooper?
Well the court date was Oct 3rd. Allen happen to sitting next to a police officer that he is really good friends with.....Psycho trooper came by and stopped by Allen in the court room and said she has NEVER lost a case and she is gunning for him. (GEEZ---this chick is CRAZY). Well they go in front of the judge...Allen produces the paperwork to prove that he was right and she was wrong about his insurance...the judge dismisses the case and the ticket...psycho trooper yells damn...and Allen turns to her and says he never loses either...SHE WAS NOT HAPPY!!!
Oh well--maybe she should not have been so DAMN rude. Allen's friend said that she made her way to the top of the food chain by sleeping away with those that counted...her reputation is quite well is nice to know others on the inside. She had no idea that Allen knew the officer next to him.
BTW--have not seen psycho trooper work this area since that day she gave Allen the ticket...hmmm I wonder why.
*My son, Eric, finally has been sworn into the army life and has received his official reporting date which will be November 1st.
He goes to Fort Sill in Oklahoma for the first nine weeks and then off to Fort Wachula (something like that) in Arizona for 33.5 weeks. Eric scored high enough to qualify to do intel work...interrogations and during those 33 weeks he will be learning also a new language (arabic) and cultural protocol. I am nervous...but happy for him because he is just busting to go.
*Allen went back down south to pick up Eric so he could help him work on two motors...totally switching out motors and such...AGAIN the damn truck broke down. I am so done with vehicles.
They made it home, but Allen has no idea what is wrong with the truck...
*Allen was outside cutting weeds down around our fence...and not an hour later, his eyes started swelling. Well by the time he returned from picking up Eric...his eyes were totally shut. He looks terrible..hopefully today he will get in to see the doc.
*One day last week I was just sitting at my puter, minding my own business and my daughter comes home from school. I do not immediately look at her until she says: "Mom--something happen to me at school today" So of course I turn around and this is what I see:
Then the brain child started laughing and told me it was make up put on by a professional to encourage high school students to pursue a career in it...(career day at school). She aged me a good 10 years and I do not think my heart will ever be the same. Her father thought it was cool and could not wait to take her to the store (to pick up a few things) to see people's reactions...which BTW--everyone thought she was in a terrible accident and needed help.
So now I have caught you all up on the exciting life in my lil corner of the world...
I Wish You All Enough.....!!!

Monday, September 25, 2006


Okay..I can't lie--I am a bit stressed--alright--a lot stressed.
My hunnie searched high and low for the part he needed and no one had it, not even junk yards so he had to order the part...which hopefully will be in this afternoon..but no one knows.
Then it all depends if they can get everything working right for him to come back tonight...or it may be another day or two.
Of course when he is NOT here..things seem to happen.
The first little incident was when my daughter brought the dogs in on Thursday evening...she noticed that one of the fence panels was bent going out...when she went up to it some man approached her to complain that if our dogs got out he would shoot them because he has children to protect. Also if we did not fix the fence and a dog got out he would call the police.
Of course my daughter freaks and I get really ticked because this guy apparently is the "new" boyfriend, we think, of our next door neighbor. The same one we suspect that poisoned our dog. So my daughter went to the neighbors across the street and they helped her nail the fence to temporarily hold it until my hunnie can get home to fix it right.
I called Allen, to tell him what had happened and he became extremely ticked. Allen apparently spoke to the neighbors next door several times to tell them to keep the kids OFF of our fence...they have a habit of climbing our fence to retrieve their ball. You can tell someone pulled on it...and it was bent towards their yard.
Thank God for the neighbors across the street...the lady's son came over and hammered away and was very nice about it all.
So---the next thing is that our electric went out. At about 3 in the morning I was just sitting here playing on the puter and BAM...everything went dark. No storms or anything like that was in the I could not figure out why no power. Well about 90 minutes later I saw the power company's truck drive by my house looking at one of the transformers...but they kept driving. They must have found what happened because 2 hours later the power was back on. Thank God because without the AC the room gets very stuffy. It is still hot and humid it is suppose to go up to 94 there is not even a hint of fall in the weather.
Now---I needed to use my cell phone a couple of times because I have certain numbers stored on it and my cell phone is for long distance calls..(works out cheaper for us)...well it figures that when I need it my daughter discovers on Thursday night that she must have lost it on the bus (she takes it to school - just in case). The only problem with losing it on the bus is that the bus and the driver were subs...the regular driver and her bus were out on a trip..
So after much searching on Friday by her regular driver...the bus and phone were found...we should be getting it back today. It figures tho-with my of the very few times I needed to use it and Allen is not here with phone gets temporarily lost.
I so HOPE that Allen gets the blazer fixed today because I really do not want to deal with much is very difficult as it is to actually deal with answering the dealing with other issues has been a challenge to say the least. I know you all must think I am a wuss...or just plain stupid...but these are the things that bring my anxiety level up.
Of course I have NOT slept well at all...because I stay up all the time to make sure things are ok...and that my daughter gets up for school at 5:30 and so on and so I am running on empty and starting to feel the effects.
When Allen gets home I will probably collapse from exhaustion.
Well...I think I caught you all up on the news silly as it may seem.
I hope that everyone's week has started off GREAT.
I wish you enough....!!!!

Thursday, September 21, 2006


Kinda sad right now...the "prodigal" son has left. My hunnie drove him back Wednesday evening down south..he said he needed to get back and get his car back on the road. He has always been one to NEVER sit still for long...he always has to be on the go. I expected my hunnie back last night by dinner time but I had not heard from him. WELL--as our luck would have it his blazer...broke down. Something about gas lines ripped/broken and something else...if it is NOT one thing it is definitely ANOTHER.
So I hoping they get it fixed Friday so my hunnie can come home. I miss is weird because you would think that we are together all the time now but I do miss his jolly self...LOL
Now here is a pic of my son I did in pencil you know what I do in my spare time..playing with images and manipulating them and creating stuff...that is definitely my cup of tea.
If you have not heard yet...the VIVI awards are taking place again in J-land.
You can go to that journal...and leave the url of journals you think would fit into one of the many categories set up. Check it out for yourself...if you have no idea who to can mention my journal...LOL...(shameless plug).
Honestly--no other news going on here..I hope everyone has an AWESOME weekend. I am just waiting for the weather to cool down and I will be happy.
I Wish You All Enough!!!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


WOW...the big 17. I am so amazed that 17 years have come by and the beautiful life that I have had the pleasure of Sharing, Knowing, Guiding, LOVING, has grown up.
It truly amazes me how much time flies and so very quickly. More quickly then I am ready to admit.
I remember the day she and her twin was 4:45 am..first fraternal twins born at Arnold Palmer Hospital. She weighed a whole 2 pounds...and was three months early.
I was so scared...motherhood is wonderful however having premmies brings on new challenges and lots of worries.
She has been a fighter since the very beginning. Strong to laugh, and refused to be around children her own age...always preferred hanging out with older children..and was able to keep up.
First day of Pre-K....she started a riot...yes I got a phone call at work from director telling me that Crystalyn did want her and her classmates to play on the baby she led them to the older kids playground...she took charge...the school wanted me to know so that I would understand when Crystalyn explained her story to me. Crystalyn's reasoning was her and her friends were not babies...and that is that.
I never knew so much LOVE & JOY could come from having a child.
Her sense of humor and spunk for life and creative thinking amaze me...and her compassion for others makes her heart bigger then most adults I know.
My pride in her grows daily as does of course my LOVE..if that is at all possible.
She has strong convictions and will fight tooth and nail for her family and friends and those that she cares about.
She has a massive soft spot for animals..and speaks her mind no matter what the circumstances or consequences.
I am very proud to say she is my daughter..and tho she is spreading those beautiful wings of hers and trying to claim that total independence...I would not trade a second of it. I really love the disagreements and conflicts...because I think we both grow from them and they only bring us closer together.
So I wanted to THANK my beautiful baby girl for the most EXCITING and LOVING 17 years a mother could ever ask for.
Now...I wanted to share some interesting pics...I warned my daughter I would do this...she thinks it is here it goes:
This is her first professional picture taken at Walmart when she was 10 months old. She was still on a heart monitor and the photographer did not want to take any pics of her because of all the wires...but her godmother stepped in and had a fit and removed the wires and all and said to take them and we would not hold them responsible for anything going wrong...I remember that big ruckus..but the pics were taken...and that is one of my favorites. is she...looking older then 17, thinking she is 40 something..and full of life and spitfire.
All my dreams fulfilled in one beautiful package.
Happy Birthday Baby Girl
I Always Wish You Enough...!!!

Sunday, September 17, 2006


Now this has been a weekend of least for me...I am just a big kids have grown up so fast that I am finding it hard to keep up and relax.
Let me explain.
First my son Eric is here visiting for a bit. At least until Tuesday!!!
Here is the cutie:
First the boy lost about 70 pounds...because he is getting ready to go into the army. For a bit there he was seriously thinking the marines...but he has finally decided on the army. Now he was suppose to go in on September 11th. However one of his medical tests came back with high they had to do a glucose tolerance test (something like that). Diabetes runs on my hunnie's side of the once those tests are back and everything is ok...(I know they will be) he will be receiving his report in date. Now he has decided that he would love to be an MP (military police). More power to him. He is either going to do his basic in South Carolina and then his MOS training in Oklahoma or do it all in Oklahoma..we do not know yet.
It does sadden my heart that he is going in...I guess because the army already has one of my boys...they do not need both..but that is the path they have chosen so I am trying to just relax about it.
So this is his "good bye" visit here. He has been helping his dad fix some motors and cut the grass and stuffies like that...he also wants to stay until Tuesday which is his sister's birthday. Which is the other bit of news. My baby...the only one left at home is turning 17. GEEZ...I feel old.
Here she is:
So now she is of the mind set that she is beyond the parental has been quite interesting but I guess I was no better growing up.
So far this school year has been overwhelming for her...she is trying to find a groove but with all the garbage that goes on she is quickly becoming discouraged with school. Now that worries me..but I am hoping that after the first quarter, things will smooth out.
I can remember her being born three months early with her twin Joshua..and she fit in my so small yet even then she was a fighter and feisty. I knew then that she would be strong willed and very opinionated..boy was I right..LOL.
My other son AJ just moved into his own apartment and sounds so happy. I am glad. He is loving his new found freedom away from relatives and such...but I still hear from him often.
OKAY...I want to THANK YOU ALL for the comments about moving and your suggestions...please continue to leave ideas and suggestions about it...I am still weighing the pros and cons...nothing is written in stone and it will not be anything soon..but I so need to hear what others might think as far as places to check out and such. It really helps me focus.
Well I want to get this uploaded before too much more time goes by...and I forget..
I wish you enough----

Friday, September 15, 2006


I know - do not worry--I am here--I do not know if that is bad or good--but I am still here.
Unfortunately this time around I have been very sick. I am sure no one wants to hear about it but since I am here and it is my journal...I guess I will highlight the fun (NOT).
First - I had the worst time breathing..I am so tired of not breathing like a normal person that I am slowly losing my mind. I know I will never get any better then I am right now...but I really thought that the COPD was under control and all I had to worry about was being maintained. The scary part is that every time I go out and open myself up to lots of other people I am opening myself up to being easily subjected to getting sick. If someone in my house is sick...they know not to come near me and such--but in public you have no idea who is the last person (if they were sick or not) to touch something that you are touching and so on and so forth...well I thought my chest was going to cave again--my steroid medication has been upped and my inhaler has become a constant companion more then it has ever been.
This being sick is now OFFICIALLY OLD!!! Then just when that mess started settling legs decided that they had a mind of their own...they blew up like balloons...I mean HUGE..I wear slippers around the house that are an extra size larger then I need because of such an occasion however, the slippers became too tight to wear. The pain was unbelievable..and no matter what I did the swelling stayed in full force for about a month. I could not sit or get real comfortable laying down. Just plain miserable. Then just as that was slowly going away...I picked up some sort of intestinal virus..OMG...that was just TERRIBLE. My stomach actually swelled so much that it became extremely difficult for me to breathe which in turn made me panic..and that only made things worse. For about a week..Allen or Crystalyn had to be up with me all the time...someone had to be with me because the pain was unbearable and I could not get up or sit down or even walk without assistance. I could not even get my shorts on my was so huge. Finally that went away...but left me with a terrible back ache which is where I am now...sitting comes only in short spurts. I cannot sit for long and it seems that my body just wants to rest/sleep which for now, I am fine with, because perhaps it is trying to heal itself. I have no idea why my body is being riddled with so much pain and ailments. I have come so very close to giving up...a person can only take so much pain and then they have reached their limits. this is leading to my next bit of hunnie, Allen, has decided to retire from the department of corrections here in Florida. Ever since I won my judgment against the state--they have been going after Allen. Write ups, Threatening his retirement, changing his post every time he went get the idea,22 years with the state and it is time for him to part company. He's happy because that pressure is off of him, and he can now be home with me and does not have to depend on anyone else to take care of me. BTW--his headaches have just about disappeared. Hmmmm--I think there might have been a connection between the headaches and his job...(DUH).
So this leads me to my next bit of news... Allen and I are seriously thinking of moving..yes folks I said it...I am actually thinking of leaving the sunshine state for greener pastures..(is that possible?) The main reason for the move is plain and simple: The doctors have all said that if I do not move out of central Florida that my life span will become increasingly shortened. Shorter then it is already there is a sobering thought.
I have always known this,however I had kids in school who have ties now that the boys are out on their own...My daughter is a junior...and if she really does not want to go..she can stay with my parents for her last year of high school. That is totally up to her. My parents would love it and my family down south would spoil her for a year before she leaves for college. I am just not getting any better. Here is the scoop...the air (believe it or not) does not move in central gets polluted air from the east and the west...those pollutants are adding to my deterioration of health. My pulmonologist is the one who has done this research for the state...he is absolutely fascinating to listen to. He also said that Louisiana is not a good place because it is so below water level that mold spores are rampant there. He did not think that Arizona would be good because of the heat we are thinking Tennessee or Arkansas. These are strong possibilities. Now one of my doctors said that ocean air is excellent for breathing however ...ocean property is very expensive and that is like daring a hurricane to come get me...I have enough panic with where I am now and hurricanes. The lung specialist did mention that we may want to move someplace where is gets cold enough for a bit to kill off mold spores...Florida does not get that cold, and if it does--it is not for long enough. By cold he meant...snow or frost on the ground for at least a week...Florida may have frost at night but it never stays beyond 8-10 hours..much less a week.
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions PLEASE feel free to let me know...I am having very ambivalent feelings about moving and such...I guess I am scared of change and moving further away from my family. So much to think about.
Well those are some highlights....I wish you all enough.....