I have no idea why--but I am finding it difficult to write most of the time now...and writing used to be my passion as far back as I can remember. I had a 10th grade high school english teacher-Ms Newman..who walked,talked and taught by the beat of a different drummer. That is probably why I listened to her more then others...she fascinated me. Anyway..she got me involved in some SERIOUS journal writing. I had been keeping diaries since I was little...but serious writing, questioning,probing, soul searching,don't hold back kind of writing. I have been hooked ever since.
So it breaks my heart and boggles my mind when I do not have that inner self motivation and desire to write. I used to be able to write about anything and make others think or laugh or cry or just enjoy what they read...now I cannot even get a solid thought down without struggling and stopping for long periods of time wondering if I should write what I wrote. Strange huh?
I know a lot of it has to do with me being so damned depressed...I have come to the realization that I can say that word..."DEPRESSED" , and not feel bad or awkward about it. That is a HUGE step for me...however...(don't you hate when there are those howevers that interfere)...it has really taken away my love of writing...yes I know you must be asking yourself..well she is writing a lot right now...but this is an entry that I have been writing and deleting and adding to for quite some time.
I am just so SICK AND TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED. If it is not something affecting my lungs which knocks me out for quite some time then it is being depressed...it is like banging your head against a wall (which I do not recommend because it hurts after a while).
The news that I did want to get out before it gets tooo old is that my son who went into the army first has been called into active duty Jan 4th I believe. Gee...he will heading for Texas but not sure where and we have no idea what happens after that..but of course that has me going crazy. Then the other son (Eric) is at Fort Sill trying to make it through basic. PLEASE keep your fingers crossed and keep positive thoughts flowing because both my boys might be here for Christmas which is a HUGE deal to me...it will be the best gift ever. AJ will fly here or drive here from Tennessee around the 20th and Eric has exodus and will fly here on the 20th...right now the plans are that they will stay here until the 26th and then drive their sister down to see my folks and she is going to stay there till school starts in Jan and the boys will visit friends and such down there..and head back to wherever they need to go. Well those are the tentative plans right now..we will see what happens.
I guess I should post this entry now before I change my mind..or it becomes old news...
Thanks for listening...PEACE!!!