Monday, November 27, 2006

TRYING TO WRITE

 I have no idea why--but I am finding it difficult to write most of the time now...and writing used to be my passion as far back as I can remember. I had a 10th grade high school english teacher-Ms Newman..who walked,talked and taught by the beat of a different drummer. That is probably why I listened to her more then others...she fascinated me. Anyway..she got me involved in some SERIOUS journal writing. I had been keeping diaries since I was little...but serious writing, questioning,probing, soul searching,don't hold back kind of writing. I have been hooked ever since.
So it breaks my heart and boggles my mind when I do not have that inner self motivation and desire to write. I used to be able to write about anything and make others think or laugh or cry or just enjoy what they read...now I cannot even get a solid thought down without struggling and stopping for long periods of time wondering if I should write what I wrote. Strange huh?
I know a lot of it has to do with me being so damned depressed...I have come to the realization that I can say that word..."DEPRESSED" , and not feel bad or awkward about it. That is a HUGE step for me...however...(don't you hate when there are those howevers that interfere)...it has really taken away my love of writing...yes I know you must be asking yourself..well she is writing a lot right now...but this is an entry that I have been writing and deleting and adding to for quite some time.
I am just so SICK AND TIRED of being SICK AND TIRED. If it is not something affecting my lungs which knocks me out for quite some time then it is being depressed...it is like banging your head against a wall (which I do not recommend because it hurts after a while).
 The news that I did want to get out before it gets tooo old is that my son who went into the army first has been called into active duty Jan 4th I believe. Gee...he will heading for Texas but not sure where and we have no idea what happens after that..but of course that has me going crazy. Then the other son (Eric) is at Fort Sill trying to make it through basic. PLEASE keep your fingers crossed and keep positive thoughts flowing because both my boys might be here for Christmas which is a HUGE deal to me...it will be the best gift ever. AJ will fly here or drive here from Tennessee around the 20th and Eric has exodus and will fly here on the 20th...right now the plans are that they will stay here until the 26th and then drive their sister down to see my folks and she is going to stay there till school starts in Jan and the boys will visit friends and such down there..and head back to wherever they need to go. Well those are the tentative plans right now..we will see what happens.
 I guess I should post this entry now before I change my mind..or it becomes old news...
Thanks for listening...PEACE!!!

3 comments:

wfhbear said...

OK, first, I don't understand what you mean by, "you can't write". This is a great entry. It says a lot and took some thought. So, you can write, just keep it up. I'm glad to hear that the boys might be home over Christmas. That will make it special for you. I remember what my Boot Camp was like. I hope that your son will develope and grow from it. I also hope that your son's activation in January is for time here in the US and not a call for overseas duty. Regards, Bill.

onestrangecat said...

i know the feeling of can't think of a thing to write about.  how i can think of a topic but the words just don't come out.
hope your sons will be home for Christmas.

Kathy

rosas831 said...

YOU HAVE MUCH ON YOUR PLATE DEAR ONE AND I WILL HAVE MORE PRAYERS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY,,,MY SONS ARE MUCH OLDER THaN YOURS AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I WOULD HANDLE THEM GOING IN THE SERVICE,,,GOD BLESS ALL YOUR FAMILY,,,  AS FOR WRITERS BLOCK,,,IT COMES TO EVERYONE,,,I DIDN'T HAVE AN EDUCATION AND HAD TO STRUGGLE VERY HARD TO WRITE,,,I WRITE IN PLAIN ENGLISH AND HOPE ALL CAN ENJOY MY OPINIONS,,,IF I HAD AN EDUCATION I WONDER IF I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN AT ALL??? SO YOU SEE,,,HAVING A FULL PLATE SUCH AS YOU HAVE,,,JUST STOP AND THINK OF WHAT WORRIES YOU THE MOST AND,,,TRY TO SOFTEN THE WORRY,,,YOU WILL WRITE LIKE YOU CAN NOT BELIEVE,,,YOUR SONS ARE YOUR WORRY,,,NO SOFT SPOT THERE BUT,,,THINK OF WHAT IT WILL BE WHEN THEIR HOME AND IT'S OVER,,,HUGS MY FRIEND AND THANK YOU FOR READING ME,,,Marie