I know - do not worry--I am here--I do not know if that is bad or good--but I am still here.
Unfortunately this time around I have been very sick. I am sure no one wants to hear about it but since I am here and it is my journal...I guess I will highlight the fun (NOT).
First - I had the worst time breathing..I am so tired of not breathing like a normal person that I am slowly losing my mind. I know I will never get any better then I am right now...but I really thought that the COPD was under control and all I had to worry about was being maintained. The scary part is that every time I go out and open myself up to lots of other people I am opening myself up to being easily subjected to getting sick. If someone in my house is sick...they know not to come near me and such--but in public you have no idea who is the last person (if they were sick or not) to touch something that you are touching and so on and so forth...well I thought my chest was going to cave in...so again--my steroid medication has been upped and my inhaler has become a constant companion more then it has ever been.
This being sick is now OFFICIALLY OLD!!! Then just when that mess started settling down...my legs decided that they had a mind of their own...they blew up like balloons...I mean HUGE..I wear slippers around the house that are an extra size larger then I need because of such an occasion however, the slippers became too tight to wear. The pain was unbelievable..and no matter what I did the swelling stayed in full force for about a month. I could not sit or get real comfortable laying down. Just plain miserable. Then just as that was slowly going away...I picked up some sort of intestinal virus..OMG...that was just TERRIBLE. My stomach actually swelled so much that it became extremely difficult for me to breathe which in turn made me panic..and that only made things worse. For about a week..Allen or Crystalyn had to be up with me all the time...someone had to be with me because the pain was unbearable and I could not get up or sit down or even walk without assistance. I could not even get my shorts on my belly...it was so huge. Finally that went away...but left me with a terrible back ache which is where I am now...sitting comes only in short spurts. I cannot sit for long and it seems that my body just wants to rest/sleep which for now, I am fine with, because perhaps it is trying to heal itself. I have no idea why my body is being riddled with so much pain and ailments. I have come so very close to giving up...a person can only take so much pain and then they have reached their limits.
Okay...so this is leading to my next bit of news...my hunnie, Allen, has decided to retire from the department of corrections here in Florida. Ever since I won my judgment against the state--they have been going after Allen. Write ups, Threatening his retirement, changing his post every time he went in..you get the idea,22 years with the state and it is time for him to part company. He's happy because that pressure is off of him, and he can now be home with me and does not have to depend on anyone else to take care of me. BTW--his headaches have just about disappeared. Hmmmm--I think there might have been a connection between the headaches and his job...(DUH).
So this leads me to my next bit of news... Allen and I are seriously thinking of moving..yes folks I said it...I am actually thinking of leaving the sunshine state for greener pastures..(is that possible?) The main reason for the move is plain and simple: The doctors have all said that if I do not move out of central Florida that my life span will become increasingly shortened. Shorter then it is already determined...now there is a sobering thought.
I have always known this,however I had kids in school who have ties here...so now that the boys are out on their own...My daughter is a junior...and if she really does not want to go..she can stay with my parents for her last year of high school. That is totally up to her. My parents would love it and my family down south would spoil her for a year before she leaves for college. I am just not getting any better. Here is the scoop...the air (believe it or not) does not move in central Florida...it gets polluted air from the east and the west...those pollutants are adding to my deterioration of health. My pulmonologist is the one who has done this research for the state...he is absolutely fascinating to listen to. He also said that Louisiana is not a good place because it is so below water level that mold spores are rampant there. He did not think that Arizona would be good because of the heat itself..so we are thinking Tennessee or Arkansas. These are strong possibilities. Now one of my doctors said that ocean air is excellent for breathing however ...ocean property is very expensive and that is like daring a hurricane to come get me...I have enough panic with where I am now and hurricanes. The lung specialist did mention that we may want to move someplace where is gets cold enough for a bit to kill off mold spores...Florida does not get that cold, and if it does--it is not for long enough. By cold he meant...snow or frost on the ground for at least a week...Florida may have frost at night but it never stays beyond 8-10 hours..much less a week.
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions PLEASE feel free to let me know...I am having very ambivalent feelings about moving and such...I guess I am scared of change and moving further away from my family. So much to think about.
Well those are some highlights....I wish you all enough.....