Friday, December 22, 2006


Hello Dear Friends---I am still here---I am sure most have given up on me...I have given up on me....
It has been extremely difficult for me to find the strength to just say hi in an entry and I do not know why...if I do say so myself, I am quite messed up.
Some highlights are as follows: I seem to have a bone spur (at least that is what I suspect since I have had many) on the base of my spine---tail makes it impossible to sit at all. There is really nothing that can be done because I take so many different steroids, as it is, to maintain my lungs, that there really is nothing else to be will just take the steroids (they are assuming) a very long time to shrink the spur...go sitting at my computer is not an option really...I get on long enough to delete mail so that my box does not fill up and that is about it....I am much more comfortable in my recliner...I have no idea why...we have tried LOTS AND LOTS of different pillows and cushions on my chair to see if it helps but NOTHING!!! The pain actually leaves me seeing stars it gets so bad....
I seem to have sunk at a all time low in depression...I cannot see the light of day sort of speak...all I do is cry...and cry...and cry...I guess you get the idea...I cannot even function around the house in the least bit...
Christmas is NON-EXISTENT at our money--no gifts -- no holiday get the drift.
Did I mention that we have had NO STOVE/OVEN for at least two months....we have been cooking on a camp stove..I just want to say it SUCKS!!!
I have a new hobby---it is called SLEEPING....I sleep about 20 hours a day...WOW you say....I say it is not enough...and I cannot feels like I have not slept in years.
OKAY---the GOOD boys arehome for christmas...I thought this would be wonderful...but it just makes things more chaotic. I really have not seen much of them...everyone seems to have their own schedule of things to do. Don't misunderstand me--I am THRILLED in my own warped way that they are home and safe...they look AWESOME and are ARMY STRONG (teehee). But it is EXTREMELY obvious to me that they prefer their time with dad and I have yet to really spend any time with them...then again if I were them I guess I would not want to spend time with me I guess I should not complain.
My daughter has been out of school since December 15th...this is normal for here...she goes back sometime during the first week of January. She has decided to push my buttons and we are butting heads at every turn...I know teenagers have their moments...but she has gone extreme with everything...Allen and her treat each other so nasty that I just want to get the HELL OUT OF HERE...I cannot cannot cannot take the stress anymore. No matter what I say or do nothing helps.
Well there you have sob story...sorry to bring you all down but at least you know where my head is at.
If I do not get on again .... I truly want to wish you and yours a BEAUTIFUL and LOVING Christmas...filled with the love and warmth of family and friends. May the memories last you a life time...

1 comment:

csandhollow said...

HUn hang in there!

Have you tries a ring? A doughnut that people used to sit on when they had ummmmm butt trouble?
Merry Christmas.