Sunday, August 6, 2006

Hello everyone
I know ...I seem to be good at the disappearing act and you all have probably given up on me. I am sorry for not being around...I have and am still going through a very difficult time... Of course it revolves around my health...that seems to be my middle name. HEALTH.
I am to the point that I am SO SICK of being SICK. With my lungs...the humidity is truly a killer for me. When I step out the front feels like an elephant jumped onto my chest (what a visual!!!). I find it so difficult to breathe and just do normal things. I HATE IT!!!
Then as you all probably know that I have been going to a psych doctor for quite some time...I guess when you find out that your life will never be the same and it will not be for tend to go through some funky thinking and stages.
Well because I wanted to switch psych doctors I no longer have any medicine left...well that throws away 4 years of getting me somewhat stable and able to cope with getting up and dealing with simple things(a very long road). Well I am back to the beginning. I can not even deal with me anymore. Much less anything else. I went to the pulmonologist..and my pft test came out to 60%. I only  have 60% use of my lungs...that is as good as it will ever get at this they are trying to find a combination of medications that I can be maintained on while letting off the steroids. Now if you have ever been on steroids for a VERY LONG PERIOD OF does some very terrible things to your destroys good things while trying to take care of your problem. Well as my luck would have it...I have severe joint pain...they cannot figure out what it is...other than some infection going through my body which has been around a long time and no one has any answers....the less steroids I take the worse the pain...I cannot win for losing here. For some reason the steroids help with the pain...which the doctors say that they would.
I do not have to go back to that doctor till January (THANK GOD). Actually he is a sweetheart. So very kind and we talked a long time...he told me to try and make it in to see him before the decade ends...LOL just a funny because I try not to go to him. But he is very very cool.
Now I received a letter about a new psych doctor I was assigned to. First his office is about an hour away. (depending on traffic). We got there about 5 minutes late for my appointment but they said not to worry because they leave 30 minutes open to fill out the paperwork. That paperwork...was UNBELIEVABLE...I have never been asked so many questions about everything under the sun.
Well after waiting another hour to be seen...I get called in and the doc is constantly interrupted by phone calls. Then he starts asking me more questions and then starts to record the information for a medical transcriptionist but getting all my information and answers mixed up and wrong. I had to keep correcting him but he just did not get it. After about 30 minutes of this garbage...he said he would be back..he had an emergency to deal with- I was left sitting in his office for over an hour. Just sitting twiddling my thumbs. I was fuming by the time he came back. Then he got more of my info even more mixed up and started asking me questions about who my lawyer was and how much am I making on workman's comp and why have I not settled my case. (these questions are NOT permitted...I must have a lawyer present for him to ask is the law here) he said he does not understand why I have a problem with going out and dealing with people because I used to go to work everyday.
He then told me it is probably better if I am put into a residential treatment hospital for long term care. I FREAKED OUT!!! I screamed no...I do not see things that way...but he is keeping that option open.
Then he told me I had to attend his weekly group for workman's comp patients to get together and share complaints about W/C. Sorry but my lawyer told me NEVER to discuss my case. This doctor is out of his mind. We got there at 2:40 in the afternoon and got out at 7pm. OMG...this doctor is crazy.
Also he would NOT prescribe me any of the medications that I was taking because he wants me in the group..that is his solution.
I cried for two days...Allen was so upset because it seems that I can never get the help I need. I called my lawyer but he is out of town until the end of next his assistant told me to cancel my first appointment for group and not give any reason and wait to hear from the lawyer. She agreed that it seems that the doc stepped over the line and there is something wrong with this pic.
I am having severe anxiety attacks now especially about this doctor. ENOUGH of this...moving on with more news...
My son AJ who is in the army finished up his MOS training and is back in Tennessee. He is a bit more happier now...once he gets established with his unit and figures out how things go..he wants to move back to Orlando...YAYAYAY...I so hope he does..I miss him beyond belief. He also got a promotion to I am happy for him.
My daughter goes back to school today...Monday.
She is not a happy camper but I am. She really wasted a summer away and needs to keep herself busy.
My other son...has been approached by the marines and the army to join them...he is thinking marines..which is fine by me...I guess he has until September to make up his mind. He really wants to be an MP...oh lord...just like my father.
Allen - my sweet hunnie under a lot of stress about work and other things going on...he is seriously thinking of retirement from the department of correction. In a way I hope he does..because I think that is the problem behind the majority of his headaches. But I want him to get involved in something to keep himself busy...because him being home all this time has driven me a bit crazy. We first have to get all our duckies in a row so keep some positive thoughts for us. you can has been a bit chaotic for me...I hope you all hang in there with me..I need friends...need the support.
I think I will stop this small novel here...Take care dear friends..


ddcfranks3 said...

Hi Ellie

It is really good to hear from you again. I contemplated sending you a note attached to your last entry to see if you were okay. I know you don't know me, but what you experience is close to home in many many ways. Knowing that my friend isnt a lone in her pain is very comforting to me, she has the same problems with the medical system as you do, she can't find answers to her problems either, very very discouraging.

You really are a survivor, words are your tools.  Keep writing Ellie, it will keep your mind much more clear. Even if you don't publish what you write, it is a great tool to keep your mind fresh, your emotions at bay. It won't yell at you for opinions, tell you you are wrong in feeling what you do and believe it or not, sometimes it gives you room to find the answers that seem to hide from you any other time.

Cheering from the sidelines, a distant friend...

csandhollow said...

I am so sorry about that stupid doctor. Sounds like he is paid a lot by Worker's comp!
hang in there. Keep coming back here. Use us for your sounding board and NEVER say anything about this journal to your doctors!
You can do it! You can make it. I know you can. Our Ellie will survive this crap they give you!

wfhbear said...

I already don't like your new Psycho Guy. It just sounds strange to me. I quit mine about two weeks ago. My Internist has agreed to continue my meds until I find a new Psyche that I like. There has been some discussion that I got to a Psychologist instead this time. maybe. Congratulations to your son on getting E-2. What is his MOS? I was an Armorer. I'm glad you are back and writing again. Regards, Bill.

onestrangecat said...

so sorry to hear about the new psych doctor.  he sounds like a total rear end.


dcmeyer420 said...

I'm sorry to hear about all the problems you've been having. Don't worry about disappearing when you need to. Praying for you to get well. Hugs.

jeanno43 said...

Found your through Sugar and have wonderful tribute to all of departed pets.  I shall add you to my prayers for healing.  I am putting you on alerts.

mynamebecj said...

I can't believe that idiot psych doc.  Isn't this the one that came so highly recommended?  What a complete horses butt.  I do pray that you get proper help very soon.
Congrats to AJ on his promotion.  It just kills me how grown up all the kids are.  Time goes by too darn fast.
Hope by now that idiot deputy has moved on along to some other jurisdiction.
Praying your weather cools down a little bit soon and makes breathing easier for you.

Love ya,