Monday, February 19, 2007

SIBLING RIVALRY

Did I ever tell you the story of the kind of relationship that my siblings and I have? Quite different from the norm...strange even....and totally baffles my mind.
My sister who is older then me by 16 years never lived with me....by the time
I was just turning two she got married.
So we never had that bond sort of speak....but I always thought she was one of the coolest people.....tho there are things to this day that I do not understand about her...but more on that later.
Then I had a brother 18 years older then me....who was killed in a drug deal right before I turned 13. He had gotten married before my sister so my memory of him was even less.
 
Then I have a younger brother...who is 2 1/2 years younger then me....
I always thought every thing was ok between us...mostly because we only had each other....I used to have to watch out for him with some idiots in school that tried to pick on him for whatever reason but that was just being a big sister in my book.
We always walked to school together and we always walked home together...of course we would stop by the candy store around the corner from the school and pick out some goodies to eat....back then....candy no matter what was a penny.
I never thought that there were any barriers between my brother and I...never crossed my mind....until after I was almost out of college and my brother was still in high school....I brought home "a boyfriend" who shared the same interest as my brother which was collecting comic books.My brother had a HUGE collection..it fascinated me....I thought that when my brother found out that this "boyfriend" liked the same things that they would get along great...there was some kind of bond that they could share...
WELL BOY I WAS WAY OFF BASE....
Because this boyfriend touched my brother's collection my brother was infuriated...That is when the MAJOR breakdown between my brother and I occured.
We have NEVER EVER been the same....no matter what I did from that day forward it was garbage..I was dead as far as he was concerned..he did not speak to me for YEARS AND YEARS...when he came home from his last year in college my father told him that if he did not make peace with me...that he could just leave and not bother coming back....my father told him he would not allow my brother to break up the family dynamics...well that went over like a lead ball.
My brother made his fake apologies and then told me to tell dad that all is well...I told him I would not because he did not mean anything he just said.
Then my brother proceeded to go off about how I got more allowance then he did and I got to stay out later then he did (a half hour more) and that I would not let him hang out with my friends during sleep over parties (when I was 14, 15, and 16)
I had no control over allowances....that was on my parents...I never stayed out late because my friends and I were not like that...so I was always home early.
And trust me....all those girlfriends of mine also had lil siblings and NO ONE wanted younger siblings around while we were sleeping or during girl talk. He just did not get it...... he had major pent up feelings that everything was my fault no matter what...and if anything happened to him that of course was also my fault.
To this day....we do not have any kind of relationship.
*I will say that when my son died...(crystalyn's twin) my brother was the rock of Gibraltar for me...really wonderful and he was the one that made sure he drove my husband at the time and me to the service and the cemetery and that no one bothered me....
*He did call me as soon as his son was born to see if I liked the name he gave him and if I thought his son would like growing up with the name...it was
Christian Alexander....very strong and beautiful!!!!
*He came to my wedding and took charge of my daughter...who was only 9 months old at the time...that was his niece and he would take care of her for me.
*When he was in a terrible construction accident in which two of his fingers were cut off...he came to stay with me in New York for two weeks and hang around my job (I was a supervisor at a children's facility)...he was great with my kids there...and they treated him like he was God...The boy stood 6'4" so he was also a giant to them.
*When I first became sick 6 years ago, he came to visit to talk and see what was up and if the state was doing the right thing by me....
*He also PROMISED me that when I collected my money from the state
that he would build a deck on the back of our house and redo my kitchen...
 
Well when the money came in...he said he did not have time for me....he was not going to help and not to ask him again...geez!!!!
The reason that really threw me off is that he just finished helping my sister totally redo her kitchen and florida room.
That just broke my heart...and again since then...nothing!!!
We do not talk....we share NOTHING....
in the process he has also turned his back from my daughter which really ticks me off beyond anything else.
I have called him on and off checking on my parents and such...and he treats me like I am an alien...and that I am wasting his time on the phone.
VERY NASTY INDIVIDUAL...he cannot wait to hang on...I have even heard him in the background make comments about me....really breaks my heart...
NOW...my sister makes excuses for him...as do my parents..
my sister says he is a loner and that is why he is the way he is....I DON'T THINK SO!!!
And in my parents' eyes he can do NO WRONG because he is letting them live in a townhouse he owns rent free.
Now explaining all this to you is not for anything but to let you know what runs through my mind and has me quite confused and sometimes truly upsets me...
I also know for a fact...that once my parents are no longer around (God forbid) then my brother will TOTALLY cut off all ties...he will probably move and change his phone number just so I can no longer be in touch...
all this over a comic book collection!!!
Go Figure!
 
Enjoy Your President's Day...Kids here have the day off.
PEACE!!!

6 comments:

my78novata said...

you know family relationships are so very strange. and sometmes small things like the touching your btohers commics ae so big at hte time and who knows when one day it will be that it hits himit really wasnt that big of a deal . Oh the stories I coudl share of my family. Families have to deal and have to be together yet we are so diverse and we did not choose each other. We have ot make the CHOICE to love in spite of and it isnt always easy i tell ya

emabecmar said...

I have a brother like this. No matter what you do or what you have, or how you are, he just don't care. I haven't heard from him since february 2006. he has aids and lives in san francisco, calif. i don't even know if he's alive, or who to call to find out. All we can do is hope and pray for them.
Cindy

tendernoggle said...

He loves ya...he may not say it...and you both may fuss and all...but deep down...he still loves ya Ellie.....families are so messed up at times...mine included....:-)
love ya,
carlene

dcmeyer420 said...

There's always jealousy between siblings. I remember reading my mother the riot act when I gave birth to my daughter. I had a lot of pentup aggression towards my older brother because he always got what he wants from my parents. What made me back up was when my mother said, "I'll always be there when you need me but you always have an independent streak. You don't want anybody in your way so I just let you be." Gosh, she was right. I always try to make it on my own and very proud of it. I chewed her for doing the right thing.
Your brother loves you. I hope one of these days, you guys can sit together and sort out what is causing the animosity. I really feel that it is not the comics books collection incident.
My son hates all his sister's boyfriends. He is very protective of her and thinks all the boys coming around her will just hurt and leave her. He often does not voice this but he becomes hostile to the boys and his sister. It's a brother thing, I guess.
Hugs to you and your family, my friend. http://journals.aol.com/dcmeyer420/DearDiary/    

onestrangecat said...

If it makes you feel any better -- I have a brother who is 3 years older than me, I know what town he lives in but don't have a clue as to where he actually lives (no address), my parents have his phone number (I do not).  He never came when I was in the hospital, we never talk.  Why?  I think it's his wife but after all these years you would think he would pick up the phone, drop a line something , but he doesn't.

Kathy

csandhollow said...

Brothers are strange creatures