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HAPPY THANKSGIVING

 

 

 

 

 

JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU AND YOURS A VERY BLESSED AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING...

I am thankful for all of you that I truly can call my friends...You have each touched my life and for that I will always be grateful.

Thanks for sharing in my life and making it more complete!!!

PEACE!!!

THE ANXIETY OF GOING TO THE DOCTOR

Have I ever mentioned in any of my entries that I just cannot stand going to the doctor....I think I have...I think you all are stick of hearing it....but it made me a total wreck just thinking that I had to leave the comfort zone of my house to go to the psychiatrist. First I really thought we would hit subjects more like how I should be dealing with my facing death and dying as a result of my debilitating disease. But even after these past 4 years of seeing him...he is more concerned with keep my meds going then anything else. I just about dropped my mouth when I left and read the prescriptions where he increased my sleeping pill....yes I have to take those on a regular basis so that my body gets the proper serotonin it needs to make correct decisions and keeps your mind sharp...I sleep enough as it is...I am missing out on life....yet he increases it.

The last time I went to him...he said that I could start going every other month...trying to bring my anxiety level down about going....he said think about it and let him know at my next appointment...well I told him...yes I want to see you every other month....and then he said...no I think in your case I need to have you keep coming every month...GEEZ--someone make up his mind.

Okay....so now next month I have another appointment with him and then the following week after him I see the lunp specialist...now that will be interesting....that doctor has cut down his hours incredibly...I think he is fixing to retire soon...then workman's comp gets to play with what doctor they will send me to ===to be tortured some more....UGH!!!

Okay...I am trying to hold it together...I need to go lay down now because I took one of those new sleeping pills and it is working really quick....I will bounce back later.

BTW....THANKS to all of you that left such precious messages for me.........You really made me feel so loved!!!!

Be Good to Yourselves,,,,,PEACE!!!!!!!!!!

OKAY--SO I DO DISAPPEAR

Yes it is me....remember me? Yes I did disappear....trying to keep things together at home...and with my health. I just seem to get in these ruts where I have to stop and step back and just walk away from things because I just do not feel right about it. I know that does not make sense but it does to me.

Life is okay....yes the Hurricane Wilman did make a pass by here...lots of wind and way tooooo much rain...streets flooded, ditches overflowed....and you could have used a canoe for your yard...but we are okay...we now have a leak in our garage roof and it is causing the ceiling to collapse...also our well has gone out....when it rains it pours here...so I am trying to make due with what we have.

My puter got sick for a while...so my access so was limited until we could come up with the money to get it fixed...the mother board and power box both fried....it was during one of the brown outs that this area goes through before during and after storms...yes my puter is hooked up to one of those power surge thingies....it does not work in storms in this state...I found that out.

So now I am back online and slowly getting things loaded back into my puter and so on.

The kids are doing GREAT. My son who lives in Tennessee is enlisting in the army at the end of this month...the son that moved down south is living up the street from us with a friend of his...working around the corner from us...and racing cars again...it is so good to have him around again...makes me laugh every day.

The daughter is loving high school....she is taking alot of creative classes and doing so very well in them...she is even doing some designing for teachers and such...I am very proud of all of them...

My hunnie is still working at the prison....he has 4.5 years left to full retirement...then we will probably look to having a place in north florida so that my health can improve.

I am booked with doctors for the rest of the month.. justnot adjusting to anything as well as I had hoped for...but things are ok. I have some good days but the bad seem to overwhelm me.

Other then that...I think I have caught you up on general news...I hope to get on more often...I just cannot sit for long periods of time...sitting restricts my lungs from expanding fully and it becomes painful to sit for a spell...but I am trying to keep positive which is something else I am working on within myself.

I hope all of you are doing grand....I hope to go around and say my hellos....please do not give up on me...I am hanging in there and have missed you all.

PEACE!!!!

I KEEP COMING BACK

Yes it has been awhile....but I keep popping up....Once school started down here, life has become a bit hectic with schedules and projects and homework. I am sure you all get the idea. Well Ophelia is east of me....interesting....hurricane season is getting worse and worse every year. I thought I had it bad last year until I saw the devastation that Katrina has caused those beautiful states. I CANNOT even watch the news anymore because it actually hurts my heart to watch the insanity there.....we donated...and prayers are constantly being said....yet that helplessness feeling remains. Now they are talking about who to blame....... I think there will be PLENTY of time in the future for that kind of politics to jump in...... right now I just wish all governments were doing more....this is just beyond words. Here are a couple of links in case you all feel like donating....

                       

I also lost a friend a couple of weeks ago to cancer....never knew she had it...she was quite brave in handling it....she touched my life with such kindness and I will forever remember her...broke my heart!!!! But she is enjoying the peace and beauty of Heaven!!!

  Okay enough of the sad news....I really need to get my mind on positive things such as: crafts. I have jumped in with both feet into a craft realm called Artist Trading Cards...better known as ATC. This is a type of collage art form of anything you want to use that is made the size of 2.5 x 3.5, the skyis the limit and the possibilities are endless. So I have been trying to keep my head busy with crafts like that ....I guess I am trying to avoid reality but right now I am not able to handle much at all. If any of you are interested in collages and just going crazy with it....let me know and I can direct you to two awesome groups that swap cards and really have alot of fun. There is some GREAT news and that is my puter finally after how many months is fixed....I saved what I could and the puter techs gave me recovery disks to reformat my puter and all is well now. So I have been slowly but surely installing programs and collecting graphics and such like I had before. I am thrilled to be back at my desktop and not on the laptop....Do Not Get Me Wrong...I love my laptop but it is just not the same. Well I have caught you all up on news now....and of course I am off and running to find more digital graphics to use for ATC'S.... You all take care and remember to HUG someone you LOVE

PEACE!!!!!!!

 

HAPPY AUGUST

 

 

 

 

 

WOW....the weeks are just flying by...the summer vacation for my daughter is just about over. They go back to school on monday. I just do not know where the days and weeks have gone.

Today I am finding it a bit difficult to even get an entry in....I cancelled my psych doctor appointment for tomorrow...I am just not feeling up to dealing with much or anyone. Sounds harsh but the anxiety alone is enough to deal with.
Lately again I have been sleeping about 18 hours a day. I am sure someone is saying wow that lady is lazy...but I just cannot stop it. It seems I just cannot relax my mind enough to fully get a nice night's sleep...my mind races a hundred miles a minute from one thing to another.

OKAY...enough of my psychotic self...I can feel that this is boring you all...my hunnie did surprise me yesterday and went to Best Buys and asked about the usb cable that I need to upload my pics from my digital camera. Well The guy just happen to find something that sounded like my description to my hunnie...so the guy told him merry early christmas and I hope it works for her...OMG...how nice is that.
So he brought it home and sure enough it was the perfect cable..and I finally uploaded my pics of my parents last day at their home and so on...when I upload them to aol I will definitely share with all of you. Now I just have to keep the cable away from puppy mouths.

Well like I said no news just stuff and sleep...I hope you all are having a grand week...I am slowly making it around to everyone's journal so if I have not hit yours yet I will...it is a goal I set for myself this week.

Until Next time.....Remember to HUG someone you LOVE.

 

PEACE!!!!

HAPPY ANNNIVERSARY

 

 

 

Today I wanted to wish my parents a very very HAPPY 56TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY. I am amazed that anyone has been together for 56 years but obviously they have so it can be done. Here they are the lil cuties:

of course their granddaughter is in the middle... I heard from them again last night...again I could only cry afterwards..this is the first time my parents have ever been away from my daughter...they have been with her since the day she was born and put in the neonatal icu unit...my dad was the first to hold her before me. They have been involved in her life always and I think that they are feeling very empty and lonely without her. During the summers she usually spends weekends with them so that she could go swimming and they get to spoil her. But now that they moved...she is no longer just 25 minutes away.

It does upset me to hear the loneliness in their voices...they are trying to keep busy but now that the moving chaos and everyone helping them settle in is over...they are starting to feel the loneliness...I miss them a great deal and I will always miss my mom's great dinners.
I realize we could visit them but it is not that easy since Allen works at a prison. There everything has to be planned 6 months in advance and still that does not guarentee you the time off.

All my life I have been the one who has stuck by my parents and have helped them and kept them company and just been there for them. Now I am no longer just a short drive away and it bothers me as much as it bothers them.
I realize this sounds like a self pity party and I am sorry...it is just the mood I am in and how I feel at the moment.

Remember to HUG someone you LOVE.
-PEACE!!!!